I wake up one Monday morning in September, struggling to get out of bed. I want and need Christmas vacation. When I get to school, someone approaches me and tells me a rumor about my teammate, Jordyn. People are saying Jordyn has cheated on her boyfriend. My mind starts to wonder if this rumor is true. After school, I get in my car on my way to practice, and I call Calley, one of my closest, most trusted teammates. I know she will tell me if this rumor is true or not. I hear ringing and ringing, and then she finally picks up the phone. My stomach does not sit right as I start this conversation. I voice my concerns to Calley about Jordyn’s relationship. Being a concerned friend, Calley tells me to direct my concerns to Jordyn, and that I should talk to her directly. My mind races in circles, because I do not understand why I needed to talk to Jordyn directly. The next words to come out of Calley’s mouth turn my world upside down. “Maggie, if this is true, this will not have been the first person Jordyn has cheated on her boyfriend with” Calley explained. A sense of curiosity runs throughout my body. The tone of Calley’s voice sends a line of chills down my spine. Something is wrong, and Calley will not tell me. My heart starts to race and fear fills throughout my mind. What does Calley know that I do not? I push my foot harder on the gas as I rush to practice wanting to hear the gossip. I need to know what is happening.

As I get to practice and sit next to Calley, I shoot Jordyn a text to get to practice early, because I need to talk to her. Calley’s phone dings and lights up. Jordyn screenshots my text, sends it to Calley, and says “She knows.” My heart stops, tears flood my eyes, and betrayal fills my blood. I rush to the bathroom as I feel tears dripping down my face. In a daze, I allow Calley to come into the bathroom to comfort me. Calley still will not tell me what has happened. A sense of anger and resentment towards Calley starts to rise in my body. My muscles tighten, and my body shakes. Three more of my teammates are knocking at the door, wanting to be let in. As I open the door, they see the look of despair written on my face. “She knows,” they say. Tears start falling down my face like a waterfall. I feel lost and hopeless. I cannot make sense of what they all know. What have they been hiding from me?

Eventually, one of my teammates accidentally slips out the name of my boyfriend, Ashton. The spinning of the world has stopped. Everything stops: my breathing, my body, my teammates. All eyes are on me as I piece it all together. The other person Jordyn had cheated on her boyfriend with was my boyfriend, Ashton. I cannot stand for all the sudden my muscles are as weak as tissues. I feel arms holding me as I sob like I never have before. The betrayal, lies, and secrecy have all caught up to me and hit me like a truck. I move out of the bathroom into the corner of the building with my teammates by my side. I do not want them by my side for they have been lying to me for months, but, who else do I have? As she gets to practice, Jordyn rushes over to see if I am okay. I cannot even look at her. I want to throw everything at her and never see her again. Everybody is quiet, and once again, all eyes are on me. I look directly at Jordyn, and I tell her I know what she did. My mind needs confirmation and admittance from her. She keeps lying to my face. Her face is pale, and she is shaking. I know she is lying. My voice starts to rise as her lies continue. I give her one final chance to tell me the truth before I lose my sanity. My mind is racing, and my heart is thumping like never before. I look at her and ask, “Have you been hooking up with Ashton?” The pit of my stomach sinks into the ground as she shakes her head yes. The tears race down my face as I run out the door. All I want is answers; I have so many questions: How? When? Where? Most importantly, Why?

I unlock my car, but I cannot stop crying to see where to put the key in. Calley and my other teammates are running after me. They take the keys away from me and help me out of the car. I feel like I do not have sturdy ground to step on. Everybody around me has lied to me for months. Who can I trust? How could my teammates have known for all of this time and not told me? Sweat and tears are dripping down my face as we stand in the beating sun trying to figure out what to do. I jump in Calley’s car and tell her to drive to Brother Martin. I put my head down on her cool leather seats because my head has its own heartbeat that is about to burst out of my head. As Calley and I wait outside of Brother Martin for Ashton, I sit frozen and in shock. My eyes are dry and puffy, but my head runs wild. My heart tries to push away the hurt, but nothing works. Ashton pulls up beside Calley’s car, and I stop everything. I do not want to lose him, but I soon realize there is nothing there to be lost. He is already gone. He has been gone our entire relationship. As I walk to his car, I search for what to say. I put my hand on the hot handle and open the door. Confronting him is the hardest thing I have to do. My body freezes, and my heart crumbles as Ashton screams at me for blaming him for those actions. My entire body was in shock. My mind is scrambling around trying to figure out what to say or what to do. Nothing, my mind came up with nothing. I slam his car door and race to Calley. I just want to get home.

Calley brings me home as I practice what to tell my parents. I walk in the door, and they are oblivious to what has just taken place. I ask both of my parents to come here. As they stand looking at me with a face of concern and confusion, I tell them what they never want to hear: a boy has broken their little girl’s heart. My dad’s eyes fill up with tears as he holds me close to his chest. His tears join mine as they drip onto my shirt. I have never seen my dad cry before; my heart rips even more. My nose gets a whiff of my dad’s cologne that he has worn for years. A sense of comfort and trust rushes throughout my body as my mom squeezes my hand. They reassure me I have people I can trust. I ask my parents to pick up my car as I call my best friend, Macie. Macie shows up at my house not even five minutes later with ice cream, chocolate, and Chick-fil-a. My other friends show up and hold me while I cry in their arms. As they rub their fingers through my hair and rub my back, I start to feel the love and safety I have been searching for. I realize my friends are going to be the ones who are going to get me through this heartbreak that has felt like an earthquake in my life. My friends help me understand who truly is there for me and who is not, and fortunately, they are.