Maybe one day I'll understand my constant need for attention and reassurance. Maybe one day i'll understand my silent jealousy. Maybe one day I understand my inability to trust people. However maybe I already do. Maybe I need attention because I believe people are always giving their attention to someone and if it's not to me it's to someone else. Maybe i'm silently jealous because i don't believe i have the right to be jealous and im afraid ill be overbearing. Maybe i can't trust people because the first man i ever loved broke my heart before i even knew how to say his name.

Now you, you think you want to be with me. You think you can handle me. To be straight forward, you are probably wrong. However being who i am, i will most likely let you try. Ill be fun at first. I treat you really well and shower you with love. I’m down to earth and the conversation is easy. I will care for you more than anyone ever has. For a split second, you might actually fall for me. But i promise it will be short lived. You might last a few months. You might only last a few weeks. But however long you make it you will soon realize i am more than you bargained for. My once sweet endearing checkups will become annoying. My once cute need for attention will feel far too much. My inability to trust you will make you angry. My silent jealousy will get on your nerves.

Soon enough you'll learn my past. You'll learn the scars i have. You'll learn what i've suffered through. You'll learn my long list of medical problems and how to deal with them. You'll learn what to look for when my blood sugars low. You'll learn how to help when i shut everyone out during an episode of my stress disorder. You'll learn how to make me feel better when i have anxiety. You'll learn the layers of my personality. How i'm nice to people i don't know but i have a hard shell to protect myself. How once someone breaks down my walls ill care for them more than anyone. You'll learn my endless capacity for love. But it won't be enough. There will always be something. Something that makes you want to run. And when you run you'll rip open every scar. You will destroy every wall. You'll take everything. And i will let you. I'll watch you leave. i will help you pack and hold the door on your way out. Because that is the kind of person i am. I love way too easy and i hold on way to long. I see the best in the worst kinds of people. I give everyone endless amounts of chances. I dont ever stand up for myself to people i love. I will not be bitter. I won't hold a grudge. I will always be there for you no matter what. So now you know how it will go. Maybe you can use this instead of me and save me the heartbreak.