They make you feel like you don't deserve someone's love, like you're not born for this. Keep your joyful friendly selfish stubborn self to your self, cause if you ever find someone who loves all those things about you they'll turn into thorns cutting him on every edge. he'll leave before they dig too deep forgetting that behind every thorn there's a flower taking it's time to blossom, that this flower will be left unwatered if he left, those thorns will get harder and the flower will be found dead.

He won't wait. Or he'll be thinking he've seen enough of the thorns that he started believing there's no flowers behind...

But that's not okay. No, not okay you don't water a dry earth then leave. It was dry for god's sake sure you won't be seeing any green way too soon.

"You are worthy all the love in the world" six months ago each part of me believed in this saying, believed to the bone. Now am not even sure if i deserve anyones love, if am worth their efforts...

am not sure that i can love myself again, love every and each part of myself.
Just be confident and this is who i am I don't care for the slightest for what you think, I can't master that confidence now...

At my first therapy session my therapist told me this:

"It happens like this.

"One day you meet someone and for some inexplicable reason, you feel more connected to this stranger than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. Perhaps this person carries within them an angel--one sent to you for some higher purpose; to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. What you must do is trust in them--even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering--the reason for their presence will become clear in due time."

Though, here is a word of warning--you may grow to love this person but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isn't to save you but to show you how to save yourself. And once this is fulfilled; the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body as the person exits your life. They will be a stranger to you once more."

When you fall in love with someone you start linking your self worth by how much they notice you by how much they're pleased within you. So when they start acting distant you begin to question your self worth, your self confidence without even noticing it. This might lead to constant anxiety attacks with heavy breathing nearly choking, a new form of depression in which you start losing yourself.. you start acting all bad, holding the intentions that you need to change, you must change, cause it is your fault, there must be something wrong with you. . And the more they're distant the more you believe that there's something wrong with you. It's all about the walls you build around yourself and who and how you allow them to break them.

But i guess there's something we should keep in mind, if they caused you pain they must have pain inside.