To the guy who completely broke my heart…

Thank you.

Thank you for saving me a trip to the doctors and proving that my heart actually works perfectly fine. I know it works because it keeps reminding me of how much pain it is in every time I breathe.

Thank you for making me believe that love actually does exist. That it is possible for me to love someone even when I don’t love myself. That it is a beautiful thing that I want more of, in every aspect of my life.

Thank you for making me realise that words are just words until someone acts on them. “I love you” means nothing until someone proves it, until they do something about it. “I’m not leaving” means nothing until someone is faced with a choice and they decide to stay.

Thank you for exposing my naivety. For outlining it loud and clear to me and showing me what I need to work on. For proving that naivety isn’t cute.

Thank you for proving to me that I should never rely on the one person and trust them completely. Trust should be earned, not given freely, and I desperately needed to learn that the hard way.

Thank you for showing me that good people exist. For making me smile bigger than I have in a long time, and for making me laugh louder than ever. And for making me realise that I can smile that big and laugh that loud without you or anyone else.

Thank you for making me realise all my favourite things. For all those hours we spent discovering what each other loved, I learnt more about myself, my values and my own mind than I learnt about you.

Thank you for slapping me in the face with maturity and punching my other cheek with my own immaturity. It hurt, but bruises fade and I’ll learn.

Thank you for helping me through nights that I didn’t think I’d survive. And now that you’re gone, thank you for proving to me that I have the strength to get through those nights again, on my own. 

Thank you for showing me that sometimes, my effort alone is not enough. That my commitment and my willingness is not all that is required to make a relationship work.

Thank you for reminding me that it’s not okay to throw your life away for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. For reminding me that love should be equal and not forced. For reminding me that my future should be just that- mine.

Thank you for reminding me what I want in life. For distracting me for long enough to make me think I wanted something else, and then for crushing me with the realisation that I want now what I’ve always wanted.

Thank you for reminding me of my worth. And in case you need reminding as well- I am worth a whole hell of a lot. I am worth an explanation. I am worth love. And I am worth someone who knows my worth.

Thank you for breaking my heart. For proving to me that I can get through this. For forcing me to demonstrate my own strength. For giving me a reason to cry unashamedly. For making me realise that love is a beautiful thing that should never be taken for granted or overlooked or doubted.

Thank you.