So here's the thing, I think i'm moving on and am doing good with it I feel strong, kinda independent, carefree. But it's hard to deal with freedom after being caged and liking it cause... we both made hell feel like home, and the idea of losing that home is not something you can cope with in 48 hours, now after living inside a hurricane how could you ever feel comfortable feeling nothing but soft breeze on your skin? Where would that love that i never thought i was capable to give go? I think that love is like energy, it will transform to a greater and more beautiful type of love wich will go to someone who really deserve it or will transform into a good memory. But the process is hard It will turn into chains choking every single night, when you get the flashbacks. It stays in you and it poisons you as time passes making you self-loathe and push your friends away, feeling like nothing and wanting to end it all. It makes you crave for attention, and desperate. So desperate that you do anything to feel wanted. But we should believe in the process and believe that it's all for the better, all we gotta do is fight.

And there come some days where am totally convinced that am over him then night comes and i see him in my dreams.. it's more like nightmares now.. am not happy to see him in my dreams at all anymore because i see the old him, the caring him, the lover him. Or i see the new him, the cold him, the stranger him. And i wake up crying i just open my eyes stare into darkness and cry in silence. And at those moments I know for sure that am not over him... not at all. I'd still get furious if i saw him talking to a girl, let alone flirting with her now.. 'chuckles' and moving on means that I shouldn't give a care if he did that right? I guess he moved on... he had more time to do that, he broke up with me deep inside his head long before he actually said it.

He ended up to be just like any other person i've met so far and how stupid of me it was to think he was actually different... he actually meant it when he said he could put up with my trust issues that we would talk about our every little problem and not keep it as a grudge.

He was afraid i'd run, like i always do but i was too naive to not do what i always did.. i was too naive that i gave it a shot.. too naive that I actually opened up. And when he was sure that my scars were open and am in no state to run, he left. He left. He left me behind... and I started bleeding.