I used to be a kid once and I once used to be a very open, very fiery, and furiously joyful little kid at that and not that I am not anymore, but things changed. See, as a kid in elementary school and some part of middle school, I used to love the hot and powerful red that made me into something of an extrovert. It blossomed in me like a flame to a paper; it made me love the very unimportant things in life at times and brought me closer to what I wanted all at once. It made my heart into a pile of dry wood and was always ignited by that same burning hot red that lived inside me. It made me more than what I could be, but now when I think about that time, I feel embarrassed a bit by how many considerably stupid things I did back then.  Most of the time, it was just funny or a little stupid, but it was still me. I don't despise those times: in fact, some candid moments of my life exist there. My only thoughts are of how and why I changed to what I am now. Why I've changed from a hothead child to a sleepier, more melancholic me. I guess it was just growing up.

Now is different than then. Well of course it is, but what I mean is I don't feel the absolute same anymore. Once again, of course, I don't. My point is, I grew up, and after I grew up, away that red dissolved and there revealed a blue, a very calm blue at that. A color that was so different from what I used to be, in fact, the complete opposite of it, is exactly what I became. Blue is what I now embody, but not because I'm a sad human being, but most blues tend to be of a lighter and calmer hue than the intense red that once made me, well, me. I feel more of a calm sense than a fiery and exuberant one. I feel at ease most of the time, I get worried easily, and I focus on others and their feelings a lot more than I used to for my own. I care about myself, but I care about others like they were my brothers and sisters. I only ask for respect from them and they give me plenty. Not in the sense of a gang to a leader, but of one as a best friend to another. That's all I've ever wanted.

You see, something killed off that fire red feeling in me, and though that sounds bad, I think it was for the better. I grew up thinking with that my fire red heart could take down anyone and could do anything, and while of course, that's sort of true on the side of doing anything, I didn't do anything to support that. I tried to fight a lot of my time as a kid, I thought I was strong. I don't think that as much, I do believe I am able to be strong, but at that time it was more of boasting and flaunting a non-existence. See, because I dared to be something I wasn't, I made mistakes, and sometimes I had troubles I didn't even make. Sometimes I was bullied, kids called me weird, sometimes gay, and they tended to steal from me. Sometimes things went on to me getting personal online accounts hacked, getting hurt, and sometimes being bullied to the brink of tears. Other times, it was the fact I felt alone, and sometimes it was that I fought over things like rocks and toys. I was a kid I guess so it was sort of acceptable, but I never did like how little of a thing I could scream about. What killed off the red was myself and the people I started problems with. I decided that I wanted to change so I grew up.

I grew out of my boasting and lying and dropped the red I had once found a sense of faltered faith in. I grew into a blue and cooled down for a while. I became someone who had more care for others than himself because I adopted this cool. I am still growing however and while I love the blue I'm in now, sometimes I see green.

Sometimes instead of being a total introvert, I make friends, I talk to people, and I find my comfort in talking and helping others. So maybe one day I'll be a green or a teal, someone who can do both be relaxed and loving while still being active and open. Maybe I'll change, maybe I won't, but until then I am blue.