One of the most persistent and relevant challenges I have experienced in my life is my struggle with goodbyes. I’ve never been much good at them, and usually dread them. They always seem so final, and normally they’re full of uncertainty. Some of the farewells I’ve experienced have been happy, but most of them have been sad. Some of them have been forever. I simply never know which ones will be final. I could learn something from the quote: “I’m glad I found the good in goodbye” but I just can’t see it that way. For every hello, there must also be a goodbye.

Have you ever met someone that you knew was going to change your life? Someone who you could feel would have a deep impact on you and what you believed in? I’m not talking about someone you may love, although love certainly has some of these same effects. Regardless, someone who you want to spend as much time interacting with as humanly possible, because you know there aren’t many people like them in the world. For me, those people are the hardest to say goodbye to.

Over the past year, I found myself interacting with more of those kinds of people than I’ve ever been exposed to before. It’s really been quite magical in a way. So many people have changed what I think, and I’ve learned so much. In a few short weeks, I need to say goodbye to them. My friends; my teachers; nearly everyone I know. Sure, for many of them the goodbye isn’t forever, and that makes it a little easier, but it’s still hard to come to terms with.

In coping with this struggle, I often found myself wishing that I could stop time. Sure it was just a wild fantasy that I had. Although stopping time is theoretically possible (long physics explanation behind that), nothing could possibly get me anywhere near achieving that. Still, I played with the idea in my mind. What would I do if the clock just stopped? Maybe I could control when it stopped or started, or who it stopped or started for. I would have the ability to spend however much time I possibly wanted with whomever I wanted. I could make one moment last for eternity. No more fear. No more goodbyes.

Of course, I don’t really want to be able to do that. It’s inhuman. It wouldn’t be fair for one person to have that ability. Furthermore, it’s not even in my best interest. My fear of goodbyes has led me to make some of the best friendships I’ve ever made. The fact that someday it’ll end forces me to make the absolute best of my experiences now, so that when that moment comes, it’ll have been worth it. My fear of goodbyes makes me ready to accept them in a way. Here’s another quote: “How glad I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”. It’s all about living in the now. Enjoying every moment. But I’ve learned that those goodbyes don’t always need to be sad. Some of them don’t need to be forever. So instead of always dreading the sad ones, I’m focusing on the happier ones, and waiting for the next hello.