Knock, knock! “Get up!” Startled, I sit up in bed only to realize I have school today. “I’m up!” I lie as I sink back into bed and curl up underneath my blanket. I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I know, someone has ripped my covers away from me. Great! Other than the fact that I get dragged out of bed every morning, I’d say I usually start the day off in a pretty decent mood. I assure you, that does not last long. I walk into my first hour class thinking that today is going to be different. I’m going to speak up and everyone is going to know the real me. The problem is, I tell myself that everyday and yet here I am, still known as the “shy girl.” Someday that will change… someday.

Everytime I say anything at school people always act like it’s so shocking and make cruel jokes like “Oh, it actually speaks,” or “I thought she was mute.” You actually think I’m quiet? Now that’s just funny. As much as I want to prove them wrong and show them who they’re talking to, I can’t. I have absolutely no problem talking to my friends and family with sass and probably a bit of arrogance too… but whatever. At least they know I actually talk.

I’ve always felt like I’ve been a pretty outgoing person who never really cared what other people thought. For example, my mom left the house to run up town for a while and asked me if I could do chores while she was gone. I said yes because I didn’t want to yelled at, although I was pretty sure I wouldn’t end up doing them. This just so happened to be one of the cases where I did decide to do what she asks and do the dishes.

Of course, I had to grab my headphones on the way to the kitchen. I figured listening to my favorite songs would help to make it go by faster. So there I am, dancing like no one’s watching. Although I was a bit lost in the music, I was still putting up the dishes. Quite a few cabinet doors had been open since I had been putting things away, and I made pretty good job of dodging them. However, I somehow managed to forget that there was a wall behind me when I decided to turn around. I ran into the wall and slipped and fell on the ground. Had I not decided to wear socks on a slick wooden floor, I could have possibly avoided that. My headphones fell off my head and I sat on the floor trying to decipher what just happened. As I grabbed my headphones and stood up, I spun around to see my brother looking at me with his eyebrows raised. It was the kind look you give someone when they do something stupid. After he finished giving me a judgemental look, he just shrugged and walked off. He was used to seeing me do stuff like that by now. My family would be concerned that something was wrong with me if I wasn’t always acting like an idiot.

On the other hand, if I ever did anything half as crazy as that at school, everyone would be concerned for me. I always seem to have this tendency to think after I speak. That’s probably one of the reasons I try to keep my mouth shut for the most part. There’s a big difference between being shy and being quiet. I just wish people were able to understand that.

I consider myself a pretty clever person who somehow always answers people with some kind of sarcastic remark. Mom: “Chloe, I thought I asked you to do your laundry!” I looked at my mom with a smirk on my face, a smile that stretched from ear to ear. Me: “You asked if I can do my laundry… not if I will.” Bad idea. I felt pretty good about myself for a total of five seconds. Realizing my mistake I turned back to my mom and tilted my head slightly to the right. In my attempt to come across as the sweet and innocent person I tend to act like at school, I managed two more words out of my mouth. “Love you,” I said in a voice that seemed more fitting for a little kid than it did a teenage girl.

Overall, I’ve managed to refrain myself from stating too many snarky remarks. As long as I’m at school, I stick to thinking them instead of letting them escape my mouth. I have this habit of always answering people in some kind of sarcastic tone that usually comes across as rude. Sometimes you may hear of a mother telling their kid to “be nice” when they go off to a friend’s house. Well believe or not, my parents still have to tell me that on my way out the door. Mom: “I mean it! Behave!” Me: “I will.” Not. Don’t be fooled though. I’m all bark… no bite. The minute I walk into school, I turn into a completely different person. Whenever someone comes up to talk to me, I just smile and nod my head. I also have this really weird habit of never looking people in the eye when I talk to them. If I don’t know you that well and you’ve attempted to talk to me at school before… I’m sorry. Don’t get me wrong, I try to look at people when I talk to them, but then I end up looking away. For all the attention I give them, I might as well be talking to the wall. What are you doing? You’re not shy! Well, it could be worse. No! I take that back. Nothing is worse than pretending to be something you’re not.

I completely understand why some people think I’m a shy person. I’ve always known that people perceived me as a quiet person, but I never really thought about the reasons behind it.  However, that doesn’t change the fact that I wish they knew the real me. There’s another thing you should probably know about me. I’m stubborn…  and my opinion can’t be easily changed. Although I may understand why I’m known for being bashful, I will never consider myself that kind of person. I think that having empathy for others is a great thing to be able to do. However, I’m not going to sit here and tell you lies. I still refuse to agree with anyone who labels me as quiet over outgoing. Obviously, I have not mastered the skill of empathy… and I’m not sure I ever will.