I was adopted when I was six months old and I have no memory of my birth parents. I have always wondered why they gave me up. Maybe they didn’t like me. They might not have loved me. I don’t understand how someone could do something like that. How could someone have a child, and just leave them?  I like to hope that my birth parents gave me up because they couldn’t handle a child, but I always go back and think that they didn’t love me so they left me.

I have always wanted to meet my birth parents so I could see them and so they can give me answers to all of my unanswered questions. I want to see them, look at them and I want to know if I am anything like them. I want to know if I look like my birth mother or father, or if I am similar to either of them in anyway. I want to know if either of them is a lefty, if either likes soccer, or drawing, or if they have brown eyes. Eyes like mine, so brown, so dark, so dark that you can’t see my pupils, you’re just looking at pool of black water. I want to know if either of my birth parents are short. If only I could see them or talk to them.

I want to go back to Guatemala and find them, and ask them all of the questions I have. I want answers to my questions, but I’m scared. I’m scared that if I find them, or just one of them, that I’ll be denied and they won’t want to see me or talk to me and I’ll have to continue going through life constantly wondering. Constantly wondering why they gave me up. Why they abandoned me and left me alone.

I guess it’s good that they gave me up and put me up for adoption, because now I have great parents and a pretty amazing brother.

I wish I could remember Guatemala and remember something about either of my birth parents. I also want to remember the first time I saw my mom and dad. I want to remember my brother’s face when we met for the first time. I look through all of the photo albums of me as a baby. I’m only smiling in the ones of my brother and I. I am so grateful that I have such an amazing brother who is always there for me. There are siblings who just don’t get along and they fight so often that it tears their relationship apart. But my brother and I aren’t like that we get along so well. We fight sometimes, we might yell or actually fight, but he loves me, and I love him. That’s all that matters. I don’t know what I would do without him because siblings hold such a strong bond.

As I said before, I am really happy that my birth parents put me up for adoption and that my parents adopted me. If they hadn’t, my life would be completely different. I wouldn’t have my mom and dad. I wouldn’t have my brother. I wouldn’t have all of my friends. My best friends that are there for me constantly. My friends and family I wouldn’t be able to survive without.

If I weren’t put up for adoption and if I weren’t adopted by my parents, I wouldn’t have all of the life experiences I have had in my 13 years of life. I wouldn’t know the people I know. I wouldn’t have travelled to the places I have. I wouldn’t have seen the Great Wall of China, and turtles in Bora Bora. I wouldn’t have seen temples in Japan or the Eiffel Tower. I wouldn’t have seen the Coliseum, or Big Ben in London, or the sandy beaches around the world.
I am happy that I was adopted, I am very happy that I have what I have. But it always goes back to the questions. All of the questions I have, all of the questions I want, no NEED answers to. I want to know why they gave me. Why they left me.I have wondered this my whole life and I will continue to wonder why I was put up for adoption.