Church has always been a big part of my life. When my family of three (before my brother was born) moved to the U.S. from Puerto Rico I was about one year old and we all started going to the only bilingual church they could find on short notice. It was a large, beautiful brick building in a hidden nook of Springfield with stained glass windows that had bible verses like “love your neighbor as you love yourself”. Growing up in the church environment meant a huge extended family. All of the kids were best friends and they would welcome new comers with open arms, it was almost like as soon as you walked into those doors you were at home. Being in this environment from such a young age has made me want to give back, to people who have given kind words to me. Besides the usual Sunday school there were also services on Tuesdays. If you went with your parents you had the option of being in the choir and using the time of the sermon to practice in the choir room instead of staying in the temple for the service. Because I was a jittery child I chose to be in the choir instead of sitting through two hours of a guy talking about stuff my eight year old mind couldn’t comprehend yet. All you had to do to join was go to the very first meeting that was usually held in September, so I dragged my two best friends at the time, Sky and Erika into the choir room that Tuesday. The director  Eneida a Dominican spark of a woman tried her best to gather us all together while trying to silence us in Spanish, there were a couple of kids there that were seemingly older and others that were practically still babies. When Enieda (En-a-da) finally got us to calm down she had everyone say their name, something about them and if they wanted they could sing about thirty seconds of a song of their choice, she went alphabetically by last name. All of the little kids, being as care free as they are at that young age sang there variations of twinkle, twinkle little star and the ABCs but no one else besides them dared to sing.” Torres, it’s your turn” sighing heavily and shaking slightly I gulped and squeaked out my name.” a little louder please mamita” said Eneida softly. Instantly regretting coming to the audition I closed my eyes and said my name a little louder. Still trembling I felt myself start to sing a little bit of a song, my favorite song at the moment, It was as if I was out of my body and I couldn’t control my mouth, a little voice in my head was telling me to stop but I physically felt like I couldn’t . When I was finally done I had stopped trembling, so I looked up and opened my eyes.  No one said a word. I sat there crossed legged on the floor thinking that I must have done horrible and that I should probably never sing again. Everyone started to get up to leave and find their parents so I got up slowly behind everyone, one of the older girls came up to me, I remember her saying that her name was Natalia and that people call her naty, “Hey, you did really good, I love your voice” she said a little timidly. That night I went home with a smile on my face replaying her kind words in my head over and over again.

“Frenchie, you and Axel will have the solos” Enieda tells us as we stand up to grab the mics and stand in front on the mini stage we built just for the choir. The rest of the choir was sitting on the metal folding chairs across from us. All of the jittery younger kids whispered to their friends next to them while also sitting on their hands in order to keep themselves from popping out of their seats like jack in the boxes. But there was no Naty in sight, she had moved to Texas recently and no one knew why, her family just seemed to have vanished one day, but her words of encouragement have been the base of the confidence that I had built over the years. It was my last year in the choir, a lot of my friends and I were heading to middle school and into the youth group so we were all getting the solos and helping out the younger kids so that they would be ready to take our places when we left. With my head held high, singing as best as I could with the help of axel we lead the rest of the kids in this high tempo dance song. At the end of practice, I picked up all of my stuff and dragged my brother away from his best friend Robert and together we walked back to the temple with me to go find our parents, “You better practice your vocals you might be getting solos when I’m gone” I said with a smirk on my face to my tired little brother.

Weirdly wide awake at around 12:30pm my family and I have just gotten home from a high school youth event at my church, it was one of those events in your life that stick with you forever and I got to share it with my second family including my best friend Natalia who had just gotten back from Texas the year before. All of us were getting ready to go to bed, my parents downstairs while I’m in my bathroom washing my face. Once I had patted my face dry I quietly walk to my brother’s room to wish him a happy birthday before he falls asleep but has already knocked out curled up on top of his covers so I put a blanket on him turned off his lamp and try to close his creaky door without waking him. Walking down the hall towards my room I can hear my parent’s voices from downstairs, they sound kind off frantic. Because of my nosy nature I jog lightly downstairs towards the living room where I see my mom sitting on the couch, worry lines crinkled and hand on her forehead talking to someone on the phone.
“sweetheart you guys can’t be out in the street alone at one in the morning” she said as calmly as I’d ever seen her.

I turned around to see my father in the other room pacing back and forth also on the phone trying to calm someone down. As I stood in the hallway in between both rooms, worry started to grow and my anxiety started to rise causing my heart beat to race like a hyper puppy

“What is happening” I whispered, half to myself.

Sitting next to my mother on the couch I felt a jumble of emotions even though my exterior seemed pretty calm.

“Mom, what is going on?”

“Your father is going to pick up naty and her siblings, they can’t be at their house right now” she said.
Still confused as ever I sprinted to the guest room to prepare it for them and sat crossed legged on the bed to wait for them to arrive. As my eyes fluttered open I jolted up to find myself in my own bed, disoriented I ran to the guest room to fin the bed made and a couple of overnight bags neatly piled in a corner of the room. I slowly eased my way downstairs, getting closer to the smell of eggs and bacon as I continued down. Finally, at the end of the staircase I turn the corner to see naty and he three siblings awkwardly eating breakfast in dead silence. Before they could see me I forced a cheery smile on my face and greeted them with the cheeriest voice I could muster. They are all usually very loud lively people but what happened with their parents the night seemed to have drained the life out of them. Remembering the little word of encouragement that naty gave me years ago I wanted to help them out by making them laugh and forget about their troubles for a while. I tried to start a conversation as bet as I could and it was a rocky start but they all started to laugh at my awkward way of humor eventually. By the time everything was settled and they went back home, in my heart I felt that I was a little closer to Naty and her siblings, and after all of those years of being told to love your neighbor as you love yourself and pass on kindness, I saw the opportunity to do something small for someone but I hope it impacted them as much as it impacted me.