Living. Breathing. The world around you is so alive, but you feel dead. You are alive but with no purpose anymore. It controls your every thought, your every move, your every decision. It follows you around like an unwanted shadow. Depression. Anxiety. The errning to stay in bed. You want to be alone, but know you can't trust yourself alone: Not after last time. Your emotions want to escape. You hold them in for too long and then you break down. All you do is crash and burn. Tears start rolling down your face and you want to reach out for help. No one is there. No one understands. All at once everything slips away from you. All self control, all the promises you made to yourself, and, all the happiness is taken over with darkness with no light in sight. This isn't who you are. This shouldn't define you. In the moment it does, though. You think to yourself, why me? People are constantly telling you that you're okay or you're just having a bad day and everyone has them once in a while. I didn't know everyone's bad days ended in tears, self harm, and self hate. So no this is not all in my head. No I can not control my emotions all the time and no this was not my choice! Anxiety chose me. Depression chose me. Please don't hold it agaisnt me because I already hold it agaisnt myself.