I go to school, take part in clubs, and work a part time job. I am just like any other high schooler. What is different about me is not my love of books, or my love for video games. It is not because I am a girl who prefers jeans over skirts or shorts. Even my lack of make up is not the biggest factor separating me from the rest of the crowd. This factor is something that has become a joke to most, just a way of seeking attention. I assure you that this is not my intention. My difference is my anxiety and depression.

Just after I had learned to deal with my depression life decided that I didn’t deserve the victory and brought down on me a huge anxiety attack. This attack was the start of a long war, one that I am still losing. Like any lost high school student, I went to my counselor. Of course there was a call to my parents, but the outcome of the phone call did not go as expected. Growing up thinking that my parents would do anything for me if I were in trouble was suddenly proven wrong. My plea for help was denied within minutes. This started the ever so long struggle with parents and anxiety.

As I took sometime to recover from the first attack I started to push away friends. Somehow in the process I made a new friend that knew, and understood, exactly what I was going through. In this, I was lucky. I feared of dragging her down as well, but due to her understanding she has stayed no matter what and for that I am thankful. Although I had this friendship to fall back on, my anxiety kept me from asking for help. I got worse with the time that I drifted away.

When I did open up, it was exhausting because I was forcing myself to be happy. This actually helped somewhat; whenever I went to work as a waitress, I was smiling more and so many people commented on it. I was so lucky to start working at a restaurant where everyone is family. The people that I work with tend to catch onto my emotions faster than most people I know and they help. My workplace is more than just a workplace, it is my other family. My coworkers listened when they didn’t have to, and I really appreciate that.

Just recently I had another bad anxiety attack. I was lightheaded and my heart rate was up. Not wanting to be at home, the place where this was coming from, I left the house in search of place in the middle of nature. Not too shortly after arriving in such a place, I had decided to go for a short drive before heading home. But the thought of going home had gotten me so worked up I decided to go into work and see some of the people there. The moment I sat down, my heart was racing so fast I couldn’t keep up and my hands were so shaky. When looked up into the eyes of someone who is so kind hearted and a good friend of mine, I could have cried. His eyes showed an emotion that I had not seen for many, many years. He was so worried that he grabbed my hand to get my attention.

I soon realized that I needed help, and I was willing to fight for it. The first discussion I had about my anxiety was with my mother. She refused and argued that counseling was just a waste of time and money. Being the dedicated Christian woman she is, she suggested reading the bible. As one who is not religious in any form, this angered me. With all that goes on with me, my parents only continue to watch, and they have yet to help. I have looked at so many options; yoga, emotional support dog, or therapy.

Despite my struggle, even if it seems simple and small to someone else, I fight with all my might. I continue to look for help and ways to get over it, and I don’t allow myself to give up. There are moments when I don’t feel like trying, but I never let myself get to the breaking point. It is like playing a game of tug of war. The more I fight for my parents’ help I realize, “Not every person is going to understand you and that’s okay. They have a right to their opinion and you have every right to ignore it” (Joel Osteen). It is all right to have these problems and to seek help. There is nothing wrong with you, or me, or anyone. We have flaws, but we also have wonderful things about us. It is a battle, without a doubt. But it is your choice to fight; win or lose.