Fall, accident, catastrophe, depletion, undoing, ruin, fatality, harm, trouble, bad luck, even death. Are all some synonyms of loss. Loss and or losing someone is a crazy thing to wrap your mind around. Having to face your feelings although it might be the last thing you want to do. Having to pull yourself together and put that dandy smile on you face to hide it all. All though you aren’t alone it may seem to be that way.

Everyone who knew of you or knew you personally is truly a mess right now.  A terrible way to fall asleep and or a terrible way to wake up. For me, it was what I woke up too.. I can’t wrap my mind around it all. It still seems a little crazy to me. I had just talked to you just last week. I thought I would be okay that day. I thought I could pull myself together and make myself  look “okay” I guess that is what you say now a days. Walking into school seeing everyone so sad, oh so sad. You can feel the hurt. You can feel the uneasy sleep and the uneasy way to wake up. You can feel suffering, but if you asked me how to describe it I really couldn’t. It’s not something you would normally feel it’s just in the atmosphere so to say.

Knowing what I know now, I don’t think I could ever just “let go.” You would want us to push on, and to never give up. You would want us all to go on adventures and enjoy our time. You would want us to live life and have fun, you would want us to wear what we wanted and act how we wanted. You had this smile that could light up the whole room and oh that crazy laughter of yours when you’d tell a story or if something funny happened. You would want us all to move on and be happy. You wouldn’t want us all to grieve, you would want happiness. That is what she would have wanted from all of us.

For those who knew her, like those of us at her high school, the suffering and sadness will continue but would she really want that? No. Live for her, do things she always wanted to do or always did on a daily basis. In memory of her.

A few days past the tragic event you can still see the saddened faces and the watery eyes that pass through the halls of the ones who knew you closely. You can feel the atmosphere has changed and all knowing the visitation would be held tonight. Should I go or should I stay home? The question running through many of ours minds. Go for the final goodbye and pay condolences but not knowing if you can physically and mentally handle it all. Either way we all had our ways of saying good bye. But for me I had to write it all out hoping you can hear me from down here and hoping you watch over all of us. As we do and will continue to miss you. You'll forever be in many of our hearts.

Thank you for all the wonderful memories that we had together. I'll cherish them more than ever. Like when you hit a deer on your way to summer gym and the only thing you cared about was how bad you had hurt the deer. We laughed for awhile about how you wouldn't ever get the fur off your car. I hold my memories with you close as do others.

R.I.P. Lauren
Fly high

1/24/16