I remember being pulled two ways, feeling two ways were right but at the same time, were wrong. I started riding one year ago because of a scholarship I received I ride at A stable near by. When I began my second year of riding I knew the basics walk, trot, canter, stop, go, tacking up, untacking, grooming.  An issue started to occur I needed to to be kinder to my horse. It always was one of my “things I need to fix” but never until this year was it a real problem. It started becoming a real problem near show season it was my first showing so I guess that added a little to it the stress the nerves. I needed to be kind to my horse; I needed to be forgiving or this little problem was going to escalate to more and more until it was to big that it could ruin everything. I have my family, the other girls at the barn, and Jayen. I needed to fix this and it needed to happen soon.
     

My first show was down state, Michigan all Morgan (MAM) a horse show were all the horses were Morgans. It was my first show I would be participating in; I had been to hundreds of shows before but never was actually in one. The show runs four days, my class was on the fourth day and was the first class of the morning. A horse show goes like this: you usually stay at a barn, there is a stall for each horse, a tack stall, two dressing stalls one for people, and two for horses. There are classes for each different type of riding and there are age groups for each class. I was in the lineup, which is like the waiting area for the people in the next class. It was finally time for my class to enter the ring. We were to enter at a trot then slow, halted and wait until it is your turn. When it was my turn, I did all that I was supposed to do stand straight, smile, stay squared with my horse, keep my hands even, keep the horse's head up. So I turned my head and looked at the judge he signaled me to proceed with my pattern; I did my pattern and then was dismissed to go back to the lineup. I stood in the lineup nervously waiting for the announcer to say my name and place.
       

Finally after the sound of ruffling papers and hushed whispers had stopped the announcer came over the microphone and announced the first place winner. I accepted it not to be me, I wasn't disappointed when I heard someone else's name come in first. I leaned forward slightly so I could see who the winner was since I knew no one by name I looked to see who the first place winner was. A small girl no more than seven or eight years old steps forward in a sparkly mint-green show shirt and a pair in mint-green pants and boots to match. She proudly walks forward beside her a massive pure black, clydesdale gelding, gracefully walks with her her strides are quick and short so she can keep up with his long slow strides. He had a peaceful calm expression on his face. My horse was nowhere near that calm in fact as we stood she dances from hoof to hoof, her eye wide with excitement her ears perked, I felt the need to scold her for behave in a way I thought she shouldn't. Then remembered that she too was new to all of this and nervous as well. My thoughts are cut short when I hear the announcer comes back on the speakers. Applauds, and cheers have died down, the announcer said“in second place we have number 309 Novalee Dunnill and Madrona Lady Brook”.
       

I stand momentarily stunned then snap back when I hear my cheering section girls from the side of stand Jayne had reserved for our stables. I run the out skirts of the ring then to the exit to reserve my ribbon. I walk out to Jayen my parents and friends they all hug me pictures are taken. Then Jayen and the others girls hurriedly go of and get ready for the next classes. My parents hug me and walk with me into the barn and once I get to the barn I turn to Brook hug her and reward her with pats and treats then hand her off to one of the other girls so they can clean her up and put her in her stall and let her rest and I can change and go watch the other girls classes. as I change I think back to the way Brook was acting in the show ring before we got called and who I almost scolded her for behaving in a way I thought was wrong. I quickly brushed it off even though the thought stayed with the rest of the day I couldn't help but think the I could be wrong on how I see this; that I don't want to let my horse get away with behavior I think is wrong but then I think of why Jayne has told me and she says that sometimes the things she does wrong are because of me and that it is not right to scold her because then she will begin to  have negative feeling for me and this would not be good for us because we have to be partners when we ride not enemies. If we are enemies each ride will be a battle and we will make no progress in her training and my learning. This problem soon became way bigger that I thought it could.
        

I did much more shows that year still riding Brook. The first couple shows I was in that we after MAM were good I was managing to get second and third in classes of about sixteen kids which was good considering it was only my first year of real showing. I too was progressing in my riding and the problem that I once had has started to dissolve and only was an issue sometimes like if it was a bad day, or I was stressed I was a little less tolerant of Brook’s behavior but then always reminded myself she was learning to. But then near the end of the show season it started becoming more of an issue. I would be constantly holding on her mouth with the rains, sort of like I had trained myself to compensate with the things that we're going wrong, instead of fix it or change something I was doing to make it right. I would instead of a pull, release on the reins to slow her down I would just hold her there so she could not go faster. Which caused her to start fighting back and pulling back on the rains with the bit, also causing  her to put her head up or out instead of her being in frame with her head tucked. Also causing her to go to fast for the type of riding I was doing. But the problem was starting to come back and with more to it then the first time. I was ruining this mare and Jayen was not afraid to let me know it. She would threaten to take me of the horse if I didn't start fixing this. I was determined to fix it but every time I tried it got worse I was stuck in a downward spiral and every time I tried to get out of it I went further down.
     

The problem reached is worse point at the last show of the year, it was a two day show at the North West Michigan Fairgrounds it was a barn raiser so the money that was earned during the show goes to the owners of the fairgrounds and they build a new barn for the horses at the fair. I was there with my barn all the girls from the barn we to participate in the show I was staying with my family in our bus we were going to stay and camp for the time of the show. I had brought all my show clothes and makeup, I spent the day before at the barn cleaning tack and loading the trailer. I went through the mental checklist as I gathered my show tack, “western show bridle and saddle, hunt bridle and saddle, ramel reins, groom box, both martingales,” that all I feel like I am forgetting something, but it is probably me just over thinking I brush the feeling off and I loaded the rest of my tack in the trailer. Then I headed to the lower barn to get Brook. I call her name in a cheerful voice she stickers her head over her stall door to see who it is and I am greeted by her with by know what is usually her lifting  her head slightly and pinning her ears at me. We had developed a “love hate relationship” at least that's who I think of it. She is never happy to me and I envy the other girls whose horse greeted them with perked ears, and trotted up to them in the pasture instead of galloping away. But by now I was used to it I go my brushes out she pinned her ears, get the saddle out she pinned her ears, bridal ears pinned. Every thing I did go this reaction from her. Anyways I walked her to the trailer and lead her in she jumped up and I hook her lead to the wall pat her on the back and shut the door behind her. I walk back to the barn and tell Jayen the trailer was done and ready to be taken to the fairgrounds. I walk back to where my friend Zoe and her mom are waiting in the car to take us to the fairgrounds.
       

Zoe and I we very good friends she also rode at the barn and was participating in the show as well it was her first show and she rode a horse named Stormy, her show name was BH lipid night storm. Stormy and she we very different than Brook and me. Stormy loves Zoe and Zoe was nothing but kind to Stormy the only problem was that Zoe was never disciplining to Stormy and stormy got away with a lot. As were Brook, I never let get away with anything if I did not think it was right I would correct her even if the problem as some thing I was causing in was no need to be fixed. Jayen would always tell Zoe and I we needed to mix and do more of what the other did. Zoe needed to be more disciplining to stormy and I needed to be more forgiving to Brook. It was finally the day of the show my mom woke me up at five so I could do hair and makeup and she could go and register me for my classes and then I could recruit someone to help get my horse ready. All the girls had arrived at the barn and now was when everything got chaotic people were rushing around doing hair, changing clothes, getting horses ready, hoof blacking, baby oil it was chaos. I was changed and went to direct my mom on who to get Brook ready because I was unable  to touch her in my show clothes. Brook was completely ready she was groomed and baby oiled her mane was gelled all she needed was her show halter. I went over to the take room and then it hit me I forgot it my show halter so I had to make do with the other one it was not as nice but it had to do. So know I was str send and more nervous than ever. I was waiting in the lineup to be called for my class, I was going over my pattern. Finally it was my turn so I would performed my pattern then waited to be dismissed by the judge. When I was dismissed I walked out and waited to hear the places, up showed with two other kids and I got third witch might sound good but it's not considering there were only three of us. I went through the rest of the day mostly get thirds and second out of classes of three to five. And the same for the next day wake up at do the shows for the day.
         

Then on the second day it came to my last three classes  and it rained so I was wet stressed and tired and on top of that I was not being kind to Brook so she was not behaving. It stopped raining by my last class and I rode got and got third which was usual by know. Brook was feed up and tired of me and I was fed up and tiers of her so I went to back her up for walking forward when I did not tell her to (witch was because I was sitting forward so it was my fault) Jayen hollered at me and told me to get of so I got of she took Brook and walked away. I was so tired, frustrated, and confused and, angry, and wets so I just started crying my mom walked away because she was mad. So I walk to the bathrooms I took of my hat, took of my jackets too my gloves off, and by now my tears had sky make up streaming down my face so I wiped it of I just could not stop crying I was think that for sure what has just happened I would lose the scholarship. I stopped crying and went back to the barn, everyone as to wrapped up in their Own thing to notice my tear streaked face, excepted Zoe she ran after me to the tack room and hugged me asked what was wrong I explained and I felt a little better. I changed into normal clothes and walked out I stayed away from Jayen I did not want to see her it would make everything worse. It was late and everyone was packing up loading trailers I still had not talked to Jayen and not dared to go over to Brook’s stall. I loaded up my tack in my moms car and we headed to the barn to help Jayen unload the trailer. When we got there I was mucking the trailer and Jayen came over I was so scared but in a calmer voice she talk with me about who what happened and said I needed to start bonding with Brook more. She also said that if the man whom gave me the scholarship seen what had happened he would have taken the scholarship so I need to work extra hard to bond with Brook. And that exactly what I would do.
       

The next couple of week I spent bonding with Brook playing with her and what not but she was still being negative toward me but Jayen said it was no longer my fault and that who she was now. So the next time I came to the barn Jayen told me to ride Cash her horse, she said if I could bond with him and be nice to him and fix what had happened with Brooke could ride him for EQ team. But it was extremely important that I was kind to him. So I was I did every thing Jayen told me treated him as if he were my best friend and my partner. Cash was fully trained so he helps train me as well. The the man who gave me the a scholarship ran into some trouble with money and could no longer fund the scholarship. But my mom and dad did not want this to go away for me so they managed the money and paid for a year's lessons. And that were I am and I have yet to overcome this, horse back riding is not something you master and then move on it is something you keep working on you never master there will always be a new problem for me to conquer it keeps going because you're not just working with an animal you're working with your best friend. So no it doesn't just end it gets better with each stride.