As the days go on, I can't help but think of what could have been. What would have happened if I had said I love you back? If instead of denying everything I would have simply accepted the fact that finally someone had gotten tired of me? The fact remains unknown and it will for a long time. The two lovers who used to know each other so perfectly, now walk by each other as if they were strangers and all the memories lie unheard of in the darkest places.

The question I can bring myself to ask everyday is why. Did I not love enough... or maybe too much? I can remember how we told each other everything. To you I was beautiful, to me you were perfect. Giving up on the friendship wasn't an option because I couldn’t. As hard as I tried to let go and escape everything, I couldn't bear the thought of losing the one person who cared about me the most. I guess all I have left is the regret of not being able to break your heart first. Accepting is the consent of receiving. one thing I can’t do. I can't accept the fact of you leaving. I can't accept the pain I felt when you moved on so easily and I'm still stuck wanting you back.
The fact that I wasn’t enough for you made me want to change myself. Maybe if I changed my hairstyle, change my clothes, change my personality you'd love me enough to stay. The words “I am moving on” stung more than the feeling of pure alcohol on an open cut.

If moving on was so easy, did you ever really love me? If you being able to go around smiling while all I can do is miss and hate myself for not being what you want, did you ever care about my happiness? And through my 12 a.m thoughts and tears, I realized. I realized that before you, I knew how to smile. I knew how to make myself happy. I had lost myself trying to look for the love in your heart for me. At that moment I realized I was never going to have a place in your heart, and I learned how to accept that.

I continue to miss you, there's no denying that. I have not yet moved on, but I am slowly learning how to accept. Not being able to give you a hug kills me on the inside, but my fake smiles, and friendly waves will continue to fool you into thinking that I'm happy. Being happy is something I'm far from being. But slowly I will get there someday, and I will look at you and give you a forgiving smile. I will let you know that without you I'm okay, and one day I will be able to talk to you and ask how your day is and how you’re doing without feeling hurt or pain. You were the alcohol to my cut, and the pain stung, but helped for the better. I learned how to accept, and accepting is the first step of me forgetting the late night talks, the promises and plans for the future. I accepted.