Dear mom and dad:

There are so many things wrong with the way you are raising me. You are terrible with encouraging or showing praise. You don’t actually think I can get things done, but just in case, you set up a bribe. Thinking full well I won’t be able to do it. I know you don’t think I can accomplish anything great in my future, you only think I’ll make it ok. Well here’s something new for you to choke on. I’ll make it bigger in the world than you ever did!! And I won’t give any of the credit to you. I’m the only one that has ever believed or does believe in me and I won’t want any of your praise when I make it. It’ll mean nothing to me then, you should have been there for me when you had the chance. But you never could look farther than beyond my moments of my stupidity, could you? And another thing I never understood about you, you always made everyone believe I was just the stupidest. Just so you could have someone on your side. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Take a look at Margaret; she would lick your feet if you asked her to!! Now they all think like you. They all treat me differently, like I’m special needs. You should have gone into acting, you’re great at it! What was it you once said? Oh yah!! You said actors were liars because they’re pretending to be someone they are not. Looks like you wouldn’t even have to practice for that role, huh?  You say you know I won’t be anything that includes any schooling because I can only do easy things anyone else can do. Why waste that money, right? (You said that with a smile hoping I couldn’t see through your disappointment in me.) You haven’t said those literal words, but you might as well have. You know I’m right about this. When I was little I would read so many books and be excited about the main character’s career every time. I would go to you saying that’s what I wanted to become someday, and what was your answer? Oh yes, you said I should become a librarian and learn to sort books on a shelf since I liked them so much. That has got to be one of the biggest blows you gave me as a little kid. I am thankful for the people out there doing the smaller jobs and making a living, because I know what they do effects my life too. But when I think of what I want to become, that idea is nowhere on my list. Every time I had some infatuation, you shot it down!! Unlike all my friend’s parents. They would imagine with their kids of the many possibilities they could be. And encourage them to find their interests. But not you, you only encourage me when I happen to be doing fine. Then when I struggle you turn on me and are disappointed in me. Why? Some times you even dare to ask me what’s wrong, like you’ve done nothing that could be the problem. Then you go around acting like I’ve hurt you so that I’ll feel guilty. Well thanks to you I really don’t feel much anymore. Nothing really excites me that would excite normal teens. You said so yourself once, you said I could win 6 grand and not even tug the slightest of a grin or sign of caring. And wouldn’t react if someone were to take it from me and burn it. Well you know why I’m like that? Because I know everything I have or will ever have is temporary and can be taken back just as quickly as it is given. Just like your love for me. I don’t know why I am such a disappointment to you, and I’m sorry you think so. But you have a tendency to make the same mistakes in raising me as you did my older siblings. Why do you think they never come home for the holidays? I can’t believe you actually believe their lies! It’s because they don’t want to, they don’t feel comfortable here. You set that trail for them when you let your pride get in the way of being our parent, so you lost them to the world. Be careful before you lose me too. Soon enough if you don’t realize that you’re hurting me, I assure you You Will Lose Me!!!! If you even care. I already have plans to leave once I’m eighteen and there’s nothing you can do about it then. I love you so much and want you to know I won’t be trying to run from you. But I need to find out who I am, and I can’t do that in a home where you pretty much tell me i’m a nobody. I want to be somebody that matters, somebody great. Even if I don’t end up where I want to be, I’ll at least find people who believe in me. I really do love you. But you have to see where you’re erring, and I’m sorry I wrote this letter when I was angry. But it was that or do something bad and tell you I just randomly did it. I know I have made my mistakes too, I know I have made things hard and I’m really sorry for that. But I don’t feel like you’ve ever really forgiven me of anything I’ve ever done wrong. That’s where I kept making my mistake in trusting you. I thought we were ok, but we’re obviously not. And I know you never really thought this was “that big a deal” but it is to me and I never felt like I could safely say that to you. I’m sorry for misleading you in ways you still don’t know, but I didn’t think I could be myself with you. Well look at that, we all are a big family of liars. We could probably host a show!!