Without having someone to trust and talk to, everything you’re holding back from the world can take you over and make you fall apart. I never understood that confiding yourself in someone was wasn’t weak, if anything it was brave. Social Philosopher, Eric Hoffer said, “Someone who thinks the world is always cheating him is right. He is missing that wonderful feeling of trust in someone or something.” I think you will never be comfortable with yourself or your friends if you shut everyone out. I believe in having someone to trust.

I was never considered very popular or pretty when I was younger and I didn’t realize that until I got into middle school. Once I got into 7th grade, I had never felt lonelier. I picked out every single flaw I could find in myself. I was shutting out my best friend, my parents, and basically everyone around me. What hurt the most was that no one really noticed. I just blended in, sad, but always wearing a smile. This went on for about a year. but it felt like a lifetime. I spent countless hours sitting on my floor crying and looking in the mirror and not seeing anything that I liked about myself.  As I got sadder and more depressed, it seemed that my friend group dwindled down to pretty much, one person, Bella. I remember her pulling me aside in the hallway on our way to class and asking me, “What’s been up with you today?” and I just replied with a laugh, saying,  “I’m fine.” Lying to her again. Since I wasn’t overwhelmed with friends, that just gave me more free time to spend putting myself down. I never hated anyone more in this world than I hated myself. I was a wreck. All I was doing was causing myself pain, until one day, Bella and I were talking and I told her everything that I had been experiencing for the past few months. I cried for hours and so did she. For a while we just sat there wiping our tears and hugging each other. It probably looked pathetic, but it gave me closure. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone.

That isn’t where my story ends, there’s a lot more to it but it’s all just about family drama and therapy, so that’s all I’m going to tell you. To this day, going through that time in my life is the hardest thing I have ever done. I have only ever told a handful of people about it, years after it happened. I remember sitting in a pool with my friends, telling them the full story, it felt so much like reliving it that I broke down and don’t even remember if I got to the end. The truth is, having this experience left me a different, confused, scared, but much more loving person. I am still very passive and insecure, but I think that I have a much bigger heart and a better perspective on the world because of it.  I don’t think I could have written this essay without having such a reliable best friend in my life and having someone so close to trust. It often surprises me how trusting I am because of it. Whether you think that it’s a mistake or not, I chose to trust people because doing otherwise never worked for me. I will always believe, in having someone to trust.