The day was finally here. For weeks my dad and I had been training for this very moment that I would climb Mt. Kinabalu. It’s the “tallest mountain in South East Asia” my dad would repeatedly tell me, “Low’s Peak is the highest point on the mountain, and that is where we are going to be.”  While I was excited, I was also relieved, for all the training was done. Since I was only 11 at the time the preparation required was not rigorous at all. All that was required was to go out running from time to time and go hiking on small trails. The reason why I embarked on this journey was the reason why I did most things: my parents told me to. Yet, I soon realized long after the trip what this whole experience had done to me.

My dad’s work had organized an optional “vacation” to go climbing up Mt. Kinabalu with family. For my dad, the temptation to go was overbearing and he couldn’t resist bringing me along. “I don’t want to go.” I would constantly tell him. However, my parents weren’t the kind that would take no for an answer. I think even I knew that saying I didn’t want to go would be a fruitless effort, nonetheless, I continued to dispute anyways. My parents did not understand why I was so reluctant to go. I was a huge fan of the outdoors. Almost all my time would be spent outside with friends. “It’s going to be fun,” my mom would say.

My initial fear that there would be no one my age on the trip abated when I found out that out of the few co-workers that went on the trip, there was a 12-year-old boy named Imran. But I did not know then that this fear had only just begun. Imran turned out to be a timid boy who was also hesitant to go on the trip. A difference I noticed between us was that, when we met up at the airport, while I had decided to stop complaining, he had only started.

So there I stood at the foot of the mountain with Imran, my dad, and his co-workers. The sight was quite foreboding, the sides of the mountain seemed to stretch up as far as the eye could see. I felt jittery in my stomach, for I had a new fear not of reaching the peak, which was manifesting. At the same time, excitement bubbled within in me as I patiently waited for the group to be ready. We took so many pictures at the base of the trail that when it was time to start I was so restless that I began racing ahead all the others, but quickly ceased when I realized the long expedition we had ahead of us.

It was beautiful. We walked for what seemed like ages but everything was so magnificent. The shrubbery so green, the plants so vibrant, life buzzed all around us. The only thing to guide us was the occasional pathway of dirt and rock. I had so much will power to climb this mountain, which made the outing all the more entertaining. The trail was simple. Being the youngest there I bounded up the path ahead of the others unaware that while I was enjoying myself, the other adults were struggling a little. It was only when I turned around that I discovered the distance that had made between the group and I. When I travelled back down and reached the group, I was scolded by my dad, who told me that they had been telling me to slow down. I had not heard any calling, but I figured I had been in my own world when I was climbing. I felt embarrassed, yet my mood was not dampened because this experience was too grand to be ruined. From that moment I made a mental note to stay next to Imran.

About two hours into trekking, Imran began to loose his will power. I’m not sure how much he had to begin with, yet I could feel the essence of his own determination receding. “My feet hurt so much, I think I’ll make it” I remember he would say. For some reason, whenever he said this I grew fearful. I had this fear manifesting in the back of my mind that he would leave and go back. I knew this would not happen, but that fear was always in my mind. “Come on Imran, you can do it!” I encouraged him. I was not about to loose my only companion on this trip. Through this moment, I realized that Imran was letting his fear of not being able to complete the adventure manifest within him. Because of this, I became afraid that his fear would latch itself on to me.

My own fear that Imran would go back became a reality when some of the group members decided that the trail was too much for them and turned the other way. I had to make sure that this would not happen. It took all of my will power to make sure I was there for him every step of the way. We finally reached the rest stop, where I was surprised to find a cozy lodge carved into the side of the mountain. The next day we awoke at the break of dawn to continue our voyage. While my eyes were still glued shut, I still found the will power to persevere. From the lodge, a mountain guide appeared and told us to bring our winter gear. Many of our group decided not to continue, so I was with Imran my dad and three of his coworkers.

Up to this point the trail had been nothing but green. Now as we progressed the scenery changed from green and full of life to stark rock and a desolate atmosphere. The change in environment dulled my mood adding on to the fact that I was lethargic from the previous days hiking and the lack of sleep. As the trail became increasingly steeper, I felt my will power accordingly dwindling. The blustery skies merged with gelid air, bringing along numbness in my appendages.  We needed a rope in order to haul ourselves up the rocks. When I put my hands on the rope I almost thought of it as my lifeline. It was what literally separated me from life and death. The anxiety in me from climbing remained, but at one point, I faced my fear and dared to look around.

It was beautiful. However, this was beautiful in a different way. While the rocks were devoid of life, all around us were white shaped puffs shielding our view of the world below. The terrain was molded in such a way that inspired awe. The slabs of rocks formed a cascade over the cliff, revealing to the climbers an empty void. We continued on for about an hour and a half. And then I saw it.

“There it is!” I shouted excitedly. Low’s Peak, the final destination. Standing proudly 13,438ft in the air. It’s jagged tip piercing the heavens. A daunting sight up close. But I would not be disheartened by fear. To think that I would be standing there replenished my will power. The fear that had been manifesting in side me diminished. As we neared I extended my hand, as if I was trying to grab the peak. The peak was within my grasp, and nothing would prevent me from reaching it.