People always ask me how I feel, and the question has always bothered me. I don’t feel the pain that I should’ve felt. I don’t feel the hurt that comes with betrayal. Do you want to know what I truly feel? I feel lost.  I don’t feel upset, for I feel nothing. I don’t feel mad, for I feel nothing. I don’t feel sad, for I feel nothing. I don’t feel hurt, for I feel lost. Sometimes though as I'm out with friends I feel joy. I forget the pain and the memories. I forget what once was, and laugh with everyone. And in that moment I feel free. “It was not a mistake but a memory,” they always say, but what does that mean?

I don’t question my judgment but if it didn’t work wouldn’t that mean I messed up, that it was in fact it was a mistake. How can I make a memory from something that is a mistake, something that is bringing me down, that brings me hurt, that causes me to feel lost? How can I even go on when I don’t know what I'm moving towards? What if I turn left but I was in actuality I was supposed to turn right? What if I stay on the straight and narrow but I was suppose to take a risk? So here you go. If you ask me how I'm doing I'm going to say I'm good, but this, this right here, is what I think. This is how I feel.