I do not feel like a human. My life is currently a high-speed line train and I’m not even in a front row seat. I’m somewhere lost in the middle with my head in a bag that I found at the station. At the same time, my life is also a car parked in my parking spot that I have parked in for 18 years. Technically, I do not own this spot but everyone who lives on the street has one small car space and this is mine. I can’t call the tow company to help move it so I am forced to write a very stern sticky note and place it on the windshield. I then will proceed to stare out my window until the owner comes, smile as they read my empty threat of egging his car, and return to something else.

That’s all I am able to do in my life. I can make small noises that only my left ear can really hear. This is being 18 though. It’s being pushed into growing up and attending at least a four-year university but at the same time I haven’t even graduated high school yet. I’m sitting in April, two months shy of a piece of paper that let’s people know I can spell my name and run the mile in under 12 minutes.

If you asked me during sophomore year if I was excited to be graduating in two years, I would of told you that I couldn’t wait, That I’m ready to take on the world and be my own person. Now, being my own person seems nice but I opt to stay by my mom’s side instead.

Maybe that’s just my own personal mentality however. I'm ready to skip pass college hay days and fall into something comfortable in my early 30’s, preferably with a 401k plan and a white picket fence.

I did not flourish in high school. I’m not the kid you find in the hallway every day talking to someone new. Many people do not know my name. I spend my nights watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns instead of being out and about. Is this why I feel so stuck and scared to move on in life? Maybe but in all honesty, the kids who go out all the time are in this very structured routine. They go to school, then go to after school activities, and then attend whatever party is going on that night. The parties consist of the same 50 people every weekend though. The same pictures are uploaded to the Internet every Sunday.

Same group of girls all turned 30 degrees with their hand on their hip with the knee bent slightly and a slanted head with a huge smile. Cheese! Only thing that is different are the filters they put on the photo each time.
Are these kids more prepared for the real world than I am because they drink socially? It wouldn’t matter if you were someone like me or someone with a red solo cup collection; we are all 4th quarter seniors ready to cry.