When I look at the world around me I see bright happy faces.  I remember the distant memory of how beautiful the world was and how happy I was. I feel obliged to smile when I'm not I'm not even happy. Sure I'm a bit unbalanced; a screw up away from a breakdown and all I can do is sit alone in silence...and wait. A challenge I have been inflicted with is my inability to connect with people.

What am I waiting for; I just wish and want for what, for someone to save me.  Maybe someone to listen to me, to talk to me, will someone just look at me. Am I invisible, do people see right through me, do I exist? Some people outlet their emptiness through meaningless sex and drugs that will take you away. But I can't crack under the pressure with my future at stake. These "great expectations" makes me wonder what fun is it seems like a foreign planet. I do not consider myself a religious person but I pray every night for hope that beyond this living hell it gets better, doesn't it?

Some challenges are not meant to be overcome but ruthlessly pursued. Me feeling like an outsider looking in is a personal problem that may never go away. But I can't just give in. I overcome my people problems day in and day out because what other choice do I have...death. I'm still here because I want to. Life is a never ending individual race you choose when it's over. I choose to be here, I breathe and get up just like everyday else. Like life I just have to take it one step at a time. Sometimes I stumble and fall but what matters is that I get backup. It's the moments that I feel like I'm soaring that makes life worth living. It's when I forget for a second my life can be next to normal and I can be happy with that.                       

I grow from this challenge by making me a stronger more determined human being. It allows me to listen and learn from the world. I have learned to be acceptant and try to find the me inside of me. I have long felt trapped inside of the dark I know well. But in all this darkness, I know there is light. I just got to find it somehow and somewhere. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday, until than I will stay smiling.