Everyone says what does not kill you makes you stronger, unfortunately I learned that the hard way. I have always understood what that means, but it is not until something traumatic happens to you that you are really able to grasp the concept of that phrase. It was September 14, 2012. I was a freshman in high school attending the Homecoming football game. I was sitting with my friends cheering on the Raiders on the bleechers. The sun was beating down on me, making me feel like I was an ice cube melting by the suns heat rays.

The score was close by the second quarter. 17-15 with the Raiders taking the lead. As I am cheering for the raiders, I look over my shoulder and see one of my friends sitting in the bleachers all by himself. I walk up the bleachers and plot myself right next to him. He looks at me with a smile on his face, little did I know that it was a cunning smile with a twisted plan right behind it.

He asked me to go with him back to the gym to get his backpack. As naïve as I was, I went with no harmful intentions in mind. After getting his backpack he takes me on an unfamiliar route. It was a route that I did not know of or even knew that it had existed. Next thing I know, I found myself cornered between him and a hedge that is as big as the eye can see.

I feel him sticking his tongue down my throat, and his hands down my pants. “Relax, it will be over before you know it. You will like it.” Those words, words that made my veins feel ice cold, making every muscle running down my body tense up. For I was scared, so in shock that I froze for a split second, than tried to escape. I kept feeling this cold harsh grab from him, pulling me in close for his needs. Treating me as if I was as worthless, just like a penny is worthless to a millionaire.

I was able to escape, but my soul was left behind. For I walked away with a body that was empty inside. It had a heart beat but the soul died and was left in that corner to parish. I could not wrap my head around what just had happened. What do I do? Who do I tell? But I could not bring myself to tell a soul, for it was my fault that I walked away with him.

The next morning my mom received a voicemail from me yesterday. She played the voicemail. My heart dropped to my stomach, and I felt that ice cold feeling through my veins again. For it was that conversation with him. I closed my eyes and I swear it was like I was reliving that incident.

Tears swelling my eyes, like the rain swells the ocean. For I did not know what to say or even know where to begin to explain to my mother. I opened my mouth but I was not able to force a single word out. “We have to report this to the police,” explained my mom. I went through with it.

The court case lasted nine months. Those were the nine months were I lost myself. I became fragile, as fragile as glass. I shattered day after day and my mother was right behind me picking me up piece from piece off the floor. Trying to put me back together as one.

I walked the halls with shame, for I knew that they were calling me easy. I tried to  explain to them what really happened but they called me a liar. I had to change schools because I could not mentally or emotionally handle it anymore. My grades went down the drain and my mom had to pick me up from school early everyday because I was having nervous breakdowns left and right. I hated him for ruining my life.

I felt dead inside and it was his fault. He took my spunk, my personality, my soul. I walked about the world with shame, knowing everywhere I went people knew about me, but they knew the story he told, and it was in fact the untruthful story. After nine months of depositions and lawyers, he took a plea bargain to two felony counts to avoid being found guilty in court. I went to the bathroom and tears streamed down my face.

I was finally relieved that the truth had been revealed. I was able to feel my soul again. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. This was the day I had been waiting for. It was all over and my name had been cleansed for the world to see.  I found myself, but was surprised to find I was not the same person.  No, instead, the new me had come back stronger  and wiser than the person she was before.