We all get that uneasy feeling when talking behind other peoples backs, but at times we can't help ourselves. There is something behind these shameful but enjoyable betrayals. There have been multiple times where I have approached an intriguing conversation about gossip. I simply had to ask myself one simple question - should I or shouldn’t I involve myself in this discussion? Sure, it may be easy to just join in and listen to the juicy drama, maybe adding in a few opinions of my own, but is there something wrong with that? Am I wrong to gossip?

I.
What is so comforting about gossip? A few spiteful words shared in confidence can give people a great boost. Whether it is with family, friends, or even co-workers, saying bad things about other people feels good. Gossiping is very common and most of the time we are passing judgment. We all know gossiping is wrong, yet we don't want to seem malicious. We all feed off of this guilty pleasure.

Shared dislikes create stronger bonds than shared positives, which is why gossip builds social bonds. Our friendships can blossom from gossip. Two people who don't know each other will feel closer if they say something mean about a third person than if they say nice things about them. For some people, sharing mean gossip about someone is the foundation of their friendship. It's a way of demonstrating their sense of humor and shared values. The thrill of hearing the words "but don't tell anyone" makes us crave gossip. We may tell that secret to the next person we see, but just the idea that we know something that another person doesn't satisfies us -- for now. Our appetite for gossip is insatiable.

II.
Gossiping does have risks. Speaking badly about someone else can make you look bad, but not if you trust the person you're speaking to. It shows that they trust the person they are talking to, allowing the other person to feel more apt to share their secrets. Gossip permits us to talk about people who aren't present without feeling nervous the other person will share your secret with anyone else. It allows us to relate to individuals they have never seen before. If someone describes a person you work with, that you've never seen before, there is an image that arises from the description the person has given you. In this situation, you would already have a general opinion of the person you do not know. This kind of gossip may not always influence your opinion about people, but actually influence how you see them visually. If the image in your head isn’t to your liking, automatically the chances of you interacting with that person is very slim. After all, why would you want to talk to someone you think you don’t like?

III.
Talking about our enemies' failings gives us pleasure and enjoyment. Do we feel guilty afterwards? Most of the time, we don't. We may feel slightly guilty, but not enough to make us stop the conversation. It's hard to hide a smile when we learn bad news about an enemy, even if it's a little shameful. We take pleasure when saying "I heard she got rejected." or " Someone told me she got a nose job." Why does being nasty feel so good? It's a way to express your feelings. It lets off a little anger that we hold inside and sometimes gives us that boost of self confidence.

IV.

We gossip to share our worries. We find comfort and support from people because we can be insecure. By saying mean things about someone else, you're speaking well of yourself. It's also fun to arouse other's curiosity and make the conversation more interesting when you have a secret you've been hiding but desperately want to reveal. The conversation becomes more interesting because we are targeting the people who make us feel uneasy about our weaknesses. Gossiping about them provides a sense of reassurance. An example of this is a situation people encounter all of the time. A girl who likes a boy is upset because he just found a girlfriend. Her friends gather around her and tell her how she’s so much better than her, how she’s meant to be with him, and how the boy won’t last with his new girlfriend. They might even say things like, “Besides, you're prettier.” When in fact none of this could be true, you find some comfort in believing that it is. Gossiping with our friends makes us feel better about ourselves and sometimes, more superior. Putting people below us is a way to make ourselves feel better, as long as no one else finds out.

V.
Perhaps we are in denial. Finding out our rival just got cheated on excites us. Should we feel happiness? Whether we should or shouldn't does not stop many people from continuing to gossip. It is so easy to talk bad about someone: it's almost second nature. We feel like we need to tell our best friend the bad news about their rival. It may even be more exciting than telling them good news about themselves. Gossip is not necessarily malicious. Telling people gossip could be an imitation, because your parents always gossiped, handling emotion, because you have fear of competition, or information gathering. At the end of the day, if you make random statements, others will correct them.

Gossip is not always negative, though. We are not bad people because we like to have interesting conversations. We are not bad people because we find pleasure in talking about someone else. If we were always talking about ourselves, we might get tired of it. There are various situations where gossiping can be harmless. If your best friend’s boyfriend is not treating her right, it is likely that this may come up in conversation when talking about the couple. You may indulge in a rather beneficial conversation, thinking of ways to help your friend, finding out the right thing to do to make her happy, figuring out how to tell her. Just because you are gossiping about her relationship does not mean you’re a bad friend. It can innocently mean you were only trying to help. If I were in this situation, I would want to talk to someone about this problem so that I can help my friend get better.
VI.
Gossip is a risky activity and can quickly lead to awkwardness or distrust. The person you are speaking lowly of is left defenseless, given they aren't present. It can leave a trail of suspicion. Our brains retain negative information better than positive. According to an NPR article, “Psst! The Human Brain Is Wired For Gossip,” there was a test completed that demonstrated people focus more on negative gossip. During this experiment, the researchers had volunteers look at faces that were paired with gossip. Some of these faces were associated with negative gossip, such as “threw a chair at a classmate,” whereas other faces were associated with positive gossip, such as “helped an elderly woman with her groceries. The volunteers’ brains responded to the different kinds of information. The researchers found that the images cause binocular rivalry, where the brain can only handle one image at a time. Therefore, the brain lingers to the one it considers more important. Researchers found that volunteers’ brains were most likely to fix on faces associated with negative gossip.

It is important that we realize the negative side of gossiping. No matter how much we gossip, it won't change the truth. People can make a big deal out of a small matter as much as they want, make it seem like what they want to be true, is true. Although, there is nothing you can do to change the facts. Gossip may help us boost our self esteem, make us feel better or superior, help us come up with solutions, but it is ephemeral. That feeling of excitement we get when we hear alluring things about a person doesn't last long; the reputation of being a back-stabber will stick with you, however. What is the point? Why do we constantly talk about people behind their backs? Gossip allows us to indirectly be nasty to others, although it has its faults.

VII.
We may feel shameful after gossiping with our friends, but we feel enjoyment. We all have different reasons for gossiping. Whether we are gossiping to speak negative or positive about someone, we continue to do it. In reality, we don’t care about the consequences of gossip. All that matters is getting the information you need so that you can enjoy telling it to someone else. We do this often, but that doesn’t mean we are all bad people. We can’t all be cruel.

We love gossip, and we’ll never be able to get enough of it, even if we risk defacing our reputation.