Self-Validation | Teen Ink

Self-Validation

May 14, 2014
By Anonymous

I may not be the brightest, but I try to learn. If I do not know the answer to something, I seek it. I am actually quite intelligent; I am in college classes and am a published poet. I try to accomplish things. Sometimes I get distracted or other things become a priority. However, I promise, this is not a sign of negligence nor is it a signature of one that is incompetent. I am, in all honesty, a brilliant mind that is sometimes lost to the world around me. I am easily amazed. Living, life is amazing! It is the miracle of all miracles. There are so many things to learn and to see and to touch and to taste and to experience! Ignorance is bliss; but if that means I am somewhat ignorant to the world because I find such a sense of euphoria in any given thing… that is certainly not the case. I have seen the tainted hues of hatred. I have felt its cruel whip upon my back. I have heard the cackle of a thousand devils as they trodden deep into the chasms of my mind and led me to thoughts and actions that were not my own. I have seen terrible sides of this world. I have experienced it for most of my life; however, I have learned to overcome those horrors through the incredible things around me. I have passion for the world. I am almost always eager to learn something new! Yet, I can not always do so. There are points when I am distracted by the seductively negative devils; for to me they represent more truth (albeit very painful, hence the term painful truth) than the lies that I so easily believe. Such as that I am smart, I am a good person, I have talent! It is when these apparently truthful thoughts interrupt the real honest-to-goodness facts that I lose sight of myself. I am not the brightest, but I truly want to learn. It’s just difficult when one tries to view the world in rosy hazes and to forget horrendous details. It is hard. My mind has been forged through my past. So naturally childhood traumas affect my behavior. This heavily hinders my ability to learn and comprehend. It is these emotions that take priority to whatever lesson I am supposed to be learning in any given class. I honestly want to learn and I am actually very intelligent, but sometimes it is hard to tell because I am distracted or emotionally compromised. Though this thesis may sound rather confusing and seems to contain conflict within itself, it is simply a process, the process, by which my brain is hardwired. My thoughts may sound random and put together in a chaotic manner, but every sentence is thought out before my fingers touch the keys that give life to my words. (As well as the fact that I am writing this very late into the night after a long day of rehearsals and classes) Cogency has never been a strong point of mine. Most of the time I just start with a subject and let my emotions and creativity flow into a world that I know little about. So if my argument seems as clear as Mudd, then I apologize.


The author's comments:
I wrote this piece as a way to cope with my depression and self view. I wanted to clarify that I am intelligent, but face challenges such as depression and anxiety, of which both I have been diagnosed.

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