“We don’t have time for such uncertainty because it reliably breeds indecision, and indecision is one of the mothers of failure” – Dean Koontz

I hail the times in my life when women would not have me in a state of sheer panic. I have a problem, I’m a hopeless romantic. My frontal lobe is untoned for romance and my idea of love is romanticized by a slew of 90’s movies. Women will be the death of me, for sure. Could it be that my picks are lame? How do I find the right woman and how can I survive long enough to reach her? I’m a woeful river of mushy questions and hopelessness. I do not know how to move on from a lady of interest. I’m hooked and done. One particular high school sweetie has torn apart my heart with seduction indecision; Maddie was her name.

I have always had a thing for her since 7th grade, middle school and in time I will learn she had liked me then and since as well. She was the literal temptress with her dark hair and cold white flesh. I was prepared to ask her to be my girlfriend on the eve of 7th grade’s summer break but I missed the cue when she asked out my oldest and – at the time- greatest friend. My summer went copout. And a solid flow of jealously would serge upon me at the sight of my two favorite people holding each other and smiling to the unity of their aligned hearts.

At last, on January 2014 we met after years of separation. We hooked up right away, and it was great. There wasn’t a better time for us to be with one another, for it was now Valentine’s Day and I spent it with my right hand man, Tristan and his high school lover with a similar fight as mine. His sliced bread was friends with my dear old Maddie, and we had oodles of fun. January 14, 2014 was the greatest day of my life. Maddie had constructed a romantic four page poem about us in our high school head games and she made me a radical mixed cd with a bundle of super cool songs. I asked her to go to prom with me and she agreed.

And then along came Colton.

Maddie and I couldn’t hang out much; she had graduated high school and went to college while I remained in high school miles away from the college fortress of Omaha. Maddie’s friends had also graduated early and she could only hang out with them far from me. I only saw her on the weekends. She began to hang out with a bearded man by the name of Colton and I became more and more jealous, knowing full well that jealousy is a total turn off. This guy was handsome as stars are boundless – big problem. I began sounding more and more desperate for her affection yet I came off asking about a dozen questions a day about her and her new pal Colton. It was obvious to her that I was utterly weak and possessive. The weekdays without seeing her I would be paranoid of her textual conversations with Colton. She would text me less and less, and who could blame her, my texts to her were more nosy and wimpy.

Maddie would now share every weekend with Colton and I and Colton had much that I was unable to give her like concert tickets and drugs. Maddie was changing more and more. There was one case where I was with her in her dorm and she became very mad at me. We were listening to her preferred music being the tunes of the 90’s when she brought up that she was a “90’s girl”.

“You and I were five by the time the 1990’s had finished,” I would tell her in my arms.

“But we were still a part of the 90’s and the start of the next decade for at least two years there is a 90’s mindset.” Maddie would say. I don’t know why I would insist on popping her bubble, but I could not agree with her on this.

“You would be right with any other decade, Maddie but 9/11 totally killed the 1990’s.” I said with total seriousness. I consider this banter the end of my three month dream. I don’t know if the whole 90’s mindset was an inside thing with Colton or a childhood mentality. With the break of our embrace, I had lost the woman of my dreams without knowing it.

I would hear later that week from her friend that she had hooked up with Colton while drunk at a party. I was mad and sad at her thinking I was not enough for her. I spent many days in bed wallowing in sorrow; she had broken me, thinking we never meant to be. I had to sever myself from her.

“Nobody cheats on me!” I roared.

But could I do it? Could I afford to forgive her or move on like a man with a plan? I couldn’t keep up with her. Her lifestyle was so different from mine. I had to hurt her somehow. Maddie had graduated high school early and left all her high school friends. Her dream was to see them again and I would have that happen with prom. So I told her I would not go to prom with her, freeing myself from heartache and worry.
She meant much to me but had changed so drastically. I would never forget how much she had changed with the inclusion of one dude. Lesson learned; people change, and I have to adapt to change if I want to survive. There is truly nothing five minutes cant heal. I am free to live and have fun. With the encouragement of my friends I had the strength to move on and pass from a retched knave of a woman, and I feel great about it.