Sometimes I think too much. Sometimes I will be sitting in bed at night, looking at the wall, just letting my mind flow full of ideas and random thoughts. I wonder about what other people are doing in that moment. Some are probably doing the same thing I’m doing, trying to fall sleep. While others have a life completely different than mine. I always think about when I don’t finish all my dinner, and my parents say, “Well there are children in African starving, so be thankful.” Simple words, yes, and probably many fortunate kids have heard something similar. But the truth is, we can’t change what we have. I am not starving, and I am not in Africa. Though I am very thankful. I wish my parents could understand that. I cannot change the fact that I have what I have.

That’s not all that fills my mind. As my thoughts proceed, I go back in time into the various memories I’ve experienced. I may be young still, but every moment I recall was special to me. I remember this one time; I had been talking with a friend, trying to explain to them my aspirations and dreams. Then I really looked hard at the person. I looked into their eyes; they quickly looked away, feeling uncomfortable. I then realized that my words had meant nothing to them. I was just simply blabbing about something that was not significant in their life. I wanted to get angry, I wanted to tell them about how influence can make or break a persons mindset on things. I then had to realize that I am different. I do not think the way other people do. I look back on that moment in time constantly.

I wish I could have an impact in people’s lives, I think about it everyday. But the truth is, no matter how much advice I give, no matter how hard I try to help people change, I am not responsible for their success or downfall. I can only hope that I have touched their lives. But in order for my words to be significant, they have to take it into their perspective and take it into their own lives.

“This moment will just be another story someday.” – Stephen Chbosky

I think about this quote a lot too. It’s really interesting to think about. Everything I am doing. Every word I am writing on this white piece of paper with blue ink, everyday I walk through the halls of my school; it will all in the end just be memories. It’s sad, because I try to enjoy moments when they’re happening, but I’m always fixated on the fact that not too long from now, it will all be gone.

Well, it’s starting to get late. It’s hard trying to fall asleep when you have constant battles and thoughts wrestling in your head.