The bond we have is unspoken. We have so much history that it would take ages to tell. We have a bond that is like no other. I cannot speak for him, but I know that I will always love him. He will always be above, and over throw any guy that I ever have and will fall for. He will always have a special place in my heart. We are that couple that people label as "they are meant to be" "they both want each other and they are both meant for each other and everyone knows that except for them". You get what I am saying right? Well, given what he has done to me I shouldn't feel this way. I don't want to get into the boring "middle school drama" and waste everyone's time. But all that "boring middle school drama" is relevant, because that is when our "Blair and Chuck" relationship began.

In seventh grade, being the naïve seventh grader and all, I told him I liked him. Thank gd he said he felt the same way. He asked me out a few months later. But in those months, we were like best friends, laughing together, sitting next to each other in class, passing notes. It was perfect. He asked me out, and we dated for an entire one hour. I broke up with him, I felt weird or whatever. I was in seventh grade what do you expect! Anyways, a year later, Thursday, November 14th 2009 I had my first kiss at the top of the Santa Monica Pier Ferris wheel, with him. Thursday the 21st, one week later. "Isabel I love you." I was in shock, I didn't know what love was. I didn't know what to say. I was confused and I had heard about it in movies and stuff but I never really understood it. Two hours later, we broke up. We dated for an entire week. Throughout the years of ninth and tenth grade, I had always wanted him, but there wasn't anything I could have done. Either he had moved on and had completely forgotten about me, or he was just really good at hiding how he truly felt. Either way, I was under the impression that there were other girls. While he was walking around school with his friends, talking to other girls, I was there just trying to move on but not being able to. 11th grade. One night we went on a hike.

That moment, right before a kiss, is usually a thousand times better than the actually kiss itself. The moment when you are both looking into each others eyes, then he looks at your lips, then you glance at his before he notices, then you look back into your eyes, then the lean comes in. That moment is priceless. Well after that priceless moment we kissed. And he told me that he wants a relationship, something that I didn't think he was capable of having. He told me a few things prior that felt like a knife stabbing through me, but his charm and my passionate for him over ruled over it. I told him that he had hurt me too many times and that I had to think about it. The next morning, less than 24 hours later, he told me that "he wasn't really feeling it anymore" and along with a few other hurtful things. And yet I still thought about him daily, I still wanted him! Am I crazy?

Through out the few months, I had learned how to control my feelings for him, and not let them take over me or my judgment towards him, which didn’t work that well. But hey, I tried. Through out this I learned a few things, that guys are oblivious and idiots. Oh, and how could I forget, they have terrible timing. As soon as I had "gotten over him" meaning, controlled my feelings and moved on to someone else, he comes back into my life. We exchanged a few cute, sexy, but in no way romantic, sentences.

Senior year! "Who are you going to prom with?" "Oh you guys will definitely go together." "If he asked you, what would you say? You know given your history together and all." In all honesty I don’t know what I would say, and I honestly don’t know if he would even ask me. Even though, I have always thought that we would go together. But “is he going to ask me” is a question that I never though that I would have to question.

I had gotten over him, other guys had came into my life, and I was ready to give them a chance. But then I did something stupid, and with bad judgment. I kissed him again. But no one understands why.

I had put that chapter of my life behind me. And I thought that a kiss was all I needed. I never wanted to go back, so I thought. “I was over him” was something that I couldn’t confidently say. I remembered that, all this meant that Friday November 4th 2012 could be our last kiss maybe for now or maybe forever. And I guess that I wasn't ready for that, because I didn’t expect it to be. I didn't want that to be our last passionate moment. And Maybe that was what was holding me back. So I made a decision to have one last kiss. And we did. I FELT FREE! I felt like I was set out of a cage, and that my chains were cut off. And maybe no one understands this but it felt amazing! But that all changed, after that kiss, our friendship changed along with it. It was the strangest thing. Usually after something like that people bond together, but it did the opposite it, tore us apart. Maybe the few hours after that kiss, I felt free and unchained. But a few days after, when I saw him at a party and then at school, I realized that nothing will ever unchain me from him, and hopefully he feels the same way. He was my first real crush and love. I know it’s sounds like a movie romance, but that will never change. I will always have a spot for him in my heart. I could be dating someone five years from now, and if I saw him, I would feel the same way I do now. I would get butterflies, and I would blush like a tomato. My heart would race, like cheetah chasing it’s prey. I would get jealous, if I saw him with another girl. These are feelings that I cannot control. When we speak, and look into each others eyes. I feel the tension, and it’s not dramatic tension. But to be honest it is like sexual tension, as strong as a magnet pulling towards a box of metal. Sometimes I feel it so strong that I think the people around us can see it and “feel it.” That is how it always will be nothing can or will ever change it. I need to accept that and move on.

It is now April, 2014 and people are asking each other to prom. I’m standing next to her, the girl who he had a “thing” with over the summer. He cared and maybe still cares for her, he gazes at her like a goddess. The smile he has on his face when he’s talking to her in person, or even on the phone could light up and entire room. But for some stupid reason I thought that our history and connection could out rule that. I know they had been speaking with each other on and off a while, but I don’t know, my heart is racing nervously. I don’t know what to think, I can’t think at the moment, he’s walking towards us. A dozen white roses, I’m shaking. He’s getting closer, who is he looking at? We’ve had so much history but they had recent connections. I don’t understand the thoughts rushing through my mind. He is approaching. He looks, and he asks.

. . . .