I experienced my days of overcast. My own clouds reigned over me, leaving me helpless and unable to breathe. Every day was a battle to fight for air in the constant sea of my own pain. Like silver streaming through my veins I could feel the anxiety. It ran up and down my arms and legs causing them to ultimately rattle. My breath grew shorter and shorter until finally even my breath lost its will to breathe. What have I become? Am I crazy? Is this what I am making of my precious life? Mockery stood in front of me taunting my every move as if I stood under its microscope. I pleaded with God. Please Lord, my veins are not strong enough to bare this. They are splitting and unleashing this poison into my soul. Lord, save me for I am sick. I found no reply, no matter how hard I banged on His door. I fell into silence as it wrapped its arms around me. I shall not speak of the feelings that are dripping from my insides, for they may be contagious. I stripped my path of its opportunities because if I couldn’t have any, she couldn’t either. I lived in a world of four walls that were painted white by my pain. If I let nobody in, nobody can leave. A world of safety and silent cries. My muscles screamed in agony as I rose every morning against their requests. I was sick and couldn’t find my cure. There were days that the constant cloud cover lessened and I saw the distant rays of sunlight. My pupils were drawn to the rare sight but they were thrown down to reality when the clouds returned laughing. My pain consumed my smile, for there was no need for one anymore. I was nothing but a corpse with a beating heart. Waves began to cover me, each one piling higher than the previous one. The salt lined my throat endlessly and left me addicted to its sting. I was drowning and there was nothing in me to fight back. My dormant muscles refused to swim. I found myself gasping for my last breath while the waves continued to drag me under. It was then and only then that my soul awoke and screamed, I will not sink. What had been silent for so long finally broke through. The waves left my shores and I was there, stripped of my insecurities, left naked as a newborn with my recovery in my hands. Nothing became easier, but the pain became bearable. I no longer surrendered to anxiety’s death grip but rather put up my strongest wall. My Medicine had arrived and pulled the stone out of my veins in attempt to say sorry. See it wasn’t Him who had left me, but rather I, who had refused to seek His grace. He became my backbone when I saw the waves rolling back in to carry me away. When the day came that I finally broke my healing streak, He sat beside and handed me the tears to cry. For this isn’t the end of your journey, you will become great. The words echoed in my ears and woke me up in the morning. My days became brighter and I could finally see the rays pouring onto my pale skin. The heat drenched my bones and left me in awe of beauty. I dug deep into my memory and could not find a greater moment that this. This is not going to be easy, or perfect, but this is life. And it is a life worth living.