"I’m leaving,” Nathan said as he grasped the wheel of the car tightly.

I looked up at him, “What?”

I tried to figure out what was going on.

“I can’t take it anymore! I am leaving for a while… I just don’t want you to worry if I’m not here in the morning.”

Tears filled my eyes, but I fought them back as much as I could.

“I’ll try to find a way to call you in a couple of weeks, but until then, don’t tell anybody about this conversation.”

There was so much I wanted to say, but I stayed silent.

“You’re still on probation! You’re only going to get in more trouble!”

I screamed these thoughts inside my head, but all I could do was sit there useless, looking down as my tears fell down to my feet. He let go of the brake and we drove back home. As soon as the car stopped I jumped out of the car and ran inside, making sure my parents didn’t see the dejection on my face.

As a twelve year old girl, I didn’t know if I could handle this. I feared that I would do the typical thing and spill the beans. I wasn’t good at keeping secrets, I’ve never been, but I knew that this was really important.

The next day I woke up and got ready for school. With fear I peeked into my brother’s room and, like I had feared, he was gone. I felt a knot in my throat, but I swallowed it down. I wanted to say something to my mom, but I remembered how serious Nathan was when he made me promise to keep it a secret. When I looked at my mom’s hopeful smile I felt as if there was a black hole in my heart sucking up all of my happiness. I felt empty and cold. I didn’t know what to do.

The car ride to school was the most terrible experience of all. My mom is a teacher at the school I go to, about thirty minutes away from our house so we never leave each other’s side. My mom smiled and sang along to music as I sat bottling up all my emotions. She didn’t know what was coming her way. This would soon crush her vibrant smile. I felt like a ticking bomb, like I could explode at any second, exposing all my unwanted knowledge.

I had never been so excited to see my school. I rushed into the building, trying to escape the temptation of telling my mom everything I got my books from my locker and went to my first class. I had the constant fear that someone would ask me if I was okay because I knew that I would burst into tears that very moment. I went throughout the day clinging to my school work, trying to avoid everyone.

I hadn’t spoken all day until science class, which was my last class period of the day. I sat next to this kid named Caleb (who I have had crush on since the beginning of the year) and for some reason I felt that I needed to tell him everything.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he flew me a peaceful smile.

I suddenly pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil and swiftly wrote down everything about Nathan running away and him not being there in the morning, and gave the paper to Caleb.

“Why didn’t your mom take the day off?” he asked with a very shocked expression on his face.

“She doesn’t know,” I looked down shamefully.

The bell rang and everyone left the classroom. I slowly dragged behind the pack and made my way back to my locker. I looked to the right, but Caleb wasn’t at his locker. I suddenly realized what he was doing. I ran down the hallway as fast as I could to try and stop him. Before I could reach him to tell him not to tell my mom, I felt a yank on my arm that pulled me to the other side of the hallway. It seemed as if everything was in slow motion. I saw my mom waving the paper I gave to Caleb and she was screaming, at least I thought she was but I heard no sound. There were no words coming out of her mouth and there were no thoughts running through my mind. There was only silence.
We both ran out of the school towards our car. I stood with my face hidden crying into my hands. My mom had to go back into the school to grab her keys, so I stood crying in the parking lot. All of a sudden I felt someone’s arms wrap around me. I didn’t have to look up to know that Caleb was standing above me.

“It will all be alright, I promise.” Caleb said softly as he made his way back into the school.

My mom arrived with the keys and we jumped into the car and headed home. Throughout the car ride she called people searching for Nathan and informing others of what happened. I felt so little and useless. I didn’t know what to do. It seemed as if we were driving forever.
As soon as we got home my mom got on the computer and started to search for information about Nathan again. She went onto a website and tried to track his phone, but it didn’t show up. She then went through to see all the people he had called or texted that week. She called everyone, but discovered nothing.

The three days of searching for Nathan were the most painful days in my life. I felt so ashamed and judged by everyone for not telling the truth. I hated myself for not telling my family. The police finally found Nathan in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He stayed in a juvenile institution there for five days before coming home. I wish I would’ve been honest, he would have been home sooner and there wouldn’t have been as much stress on everyone. If I was honest it would have been a much easier experience. I will forever regret my mistake.