Sometimes I wonder why people are such jerks. No, let me put it better. Sometimes I wonder how people can be such jerks. I understand... they have problems. So do I. And I don't go shoving my fist in other people's face. Calling them names that will appear in their dreams. Being rude because of their lifestyle or religion.

I always tried to push it to the back of my head. Sorta pretend like it never really happened, or that I had more friends than haters. Or I would just think, Hmm being called Barbie isn't that bad. Is it?

And then there's those people who you don't really know if they're being nice or sarcastic. "Cute hair" is a very complex phrase. These people, I feel, like to hurt people. But these are the same people who when they get caught say "Oh no I didn't mean it that way. I really like your hair." But they don't just say "Really" they say "Reeeeeeealy" They stretch that E like those skinny jeans in the back of your drawer that you've been dying to wear. Maybe even more.

Then, there are those people who couldn't be more blatantly obvious. "You know, I really hate you." I've heard it so many times. Those people who just say it. "Wow, you have terrible camel toe." Is very common. Just shouting out "I see your butt-crack" or "Your zipper is down" is expected of them.

It doesn't really matter how you're bullied, it's still bullying. And it's horrible. It's weird how every where I go, people hate me. I'm kinda numb to it now. Normally I laugh at the cliche "prostitute" or "Barbie doll". It's almost like nothing really hurts me anymore. So I just stop trying. But on those nights when you lay awake in bed, it comes to you. It hits you like a tidal wave.

Even though I'm numb to it now, I can't recall the last time I felt brave. There are times where I can stand up for myself, but I'm always insecure. There comes a point where you're insecure to the max. When you get to this point, you're so insecure you don't care anymore. You basically invite hatred. You look that wonderful hater in the eye and say "Yeah? What you got next?" And it's not fun. Because you're unsure of yourself. You don't know... you.

Do you ever feel like when people see you, they see a whiteboard to write on? Some people use EXPO markers and you can wipe it right off. But a lot of people use Sharpies. You can wash it off, and it eventually fades, but it will always leave a stain. And people will notice it. And you won't be able to write over it because it's defected. You'll always have that blemish.

I have no advice for you. Nothing helpful to say. I've heard it all. "It's not your fault", "They're just jealous", "Ignore them", "You'll get over it", "Wounds heal", "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you." Yeah? Well sure wounds heal, but they will always leave a scar. And people will notice it. And you won't be pure, the way God made you. But your battle scars tell a story. You've been through a lot. Treat those scars with some scar cream. Do it for me. And remember- Pills don't help treat the scars. You need time.