“Please.”
They say please is the magic word. If that’s the case, I don’t believe in magic. The night that changed me forever was one originally full of hope. While laying on my couch my best friend at the time, Jaicey simply texted me “come over to my house. There’s booze and boys.” to respond was instinct, as I didn’t think anything of the night; just replying “be there in ten.” Excitement shivered through my body, it wasn't everyday where my friends actually invited me places. My outfit was a little inappropriate but I never thought twice about it, so what if you could see my bra through my shirt? It’s not like I cared what these people thought of me; they could judge me all I want.
Walking out of my house my dad yelled, “You better not walk home after curfew! If you’re out late you better spend the night!” A sly smile spread across my face as I realized my dad just made my life easier. Now I didn’t even have to worry about trying to cover up the alcohol I was about to consume. My excitement was slowly taking over my body making me sick to my stomach as I walked over to her apartment.
The moment I reached the creepy alley behind her apartment I texted her “outside, come fast it’s freezing.” once I reached the steep stairs I ran up and once I made it to the top I was winded to the point of embarrassment. After waiting a minute outside I was greeted by Jessica and some boy I didn’t recognize. I tried not to make a big deal out of it being that I’m one of the most socially awkward people ever with boys. I simply said hi and walked right past him to Jaicey’s front door. That decision, I regretted two seconds later, thinking of a million things I could have said that would have been better.
Before even turning the knob the smell of stale weed and alcohol suffocated me. Upon walking in the first thing I saw was Jaicey lying on the ground, probably pissed drunk. After not really talking to anyone I headed over to the alcohol and began to serve myself. Everyone tried to pull the bottle I had in my hand interested in what I was drinking. It was almost hilarious watching the guys try and fight over what they thought it was. It was at this moment when they were all trying to win my attention that I realized Jaicey didn’t invite me because she wanted to hang out with me, she just called me because all three of the guys wanted to hook up with someone. All the happiness I had when I was invited to hang out diminished when I realized I was simply a booty call.
Next thing I knew I heard a voice whispering in my ear, “Come take shots with me.” Thinking nothing of it I was all up for it. The second I walked into the kitchen I knew he had more in mind. At first I just played along, but then he asked to go to a room. This seemed a little serious but I still said yes because of my inevitable weak spot for not being able to say no. The second we made it into the bedroom he threw me on the bed. In an instant he was on top of me pulling off my shirt. This wasn’t exactly anything new for me so I let him do it.
He started to make his way down to my pants and all I uttered out was “Please, can we just go back to the party?”

“What, you don’t like me? I see the way you dress, the way you act. You have to be a slut. Why don’t you like me?” Somehow a sense of sorry flooded me, so I let him continue to take my pants off. I was scared because I’d never done anything like this with anyone before. Knowing I was nervous and wanted to go back to the party, he tried to be sweet and slow about everything. But something overcame him and suddenly I was nervous again and asked once more.

“Could we please go back to the party? Please, I really want to.”

“What? You don’t like me? How could you tease me then just leave me without satisfaction?”

“Please, we can hang out out there; please can we just go out to the party?” The moment he said nothing else and kept making a move on me was the first moment I have ever been truly terrified in my life. I told myself I wouldn’t be raped, but the longer I spent in the bedroom seemed to make it less and less promising. Next thing I knew I was trying to crawl out of the bed to find my clothes.

“What you don’t like me? Please don’t leave me.”

“Please can we just go back out to the party? I don’t want to miss out on anything fun. Please.”

“So do you don’t like me?”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Then stay here with me, you can tell me if I go too far.” Fear encompassed my entire body and in an instant he was jumping off the bed towards me. In a blur he ran into me shoving me against the wall. I was in a state of shock as my head and shoulder throbbed from impact. Stunned into stillness, I was helpless as he threw himself on top of me. In this moment I knew I needed to get out of there as fast as I could, if not it was certain I would be raped. I had to choose my words carefully to manipulate him into letting me go.

“Can we please go back out to the party? Please. We can always come back later but I don’t want to miss seeing everyone.”

“Do you promise you like me? That you’ll come back?”

“I promise.”

I never went back in the room that night. Instead, I spent the night trying to pretend that everything was normal and nothing happened in the room by acting like nothing happened. The two hardest hours of my life were waiting for him to leave. I played it like everything was normal, which was too hard for me to handle. To every person who walked past me I tried to show them with my face that I didn’t want anything to do with him. The message never reached anyone, and I had to endure the night with him trying to kiss me. To say that night has changed me to become pessimistic about boys is an extreme understatement. It has taught me to learn and become much more careful when it comes to boys.

Throughout our lives we’re told there’s no such thing as magic with one exception: please. Please is supposed to be the magic word that will get us what we want. Through experience it’s safe to say that I don’t believe in magic.