I don’t think I can really express (or even comprehend) how much The Princess Diaries have influenced me. I obtained my first copy of the book from my grandmother’s garage—God knows how, because she never read it, but my grandmother’s garage was like the Room of Hidden Things in Harry Potter and Half-Blood Prince, jam-packed with crap but super useful until someone comes along and destroys it with magical fire. Or you sell it in a down market and move across town. Regardless—it was this free promotional copy that Meg Cabot had released to prove that The PD was more than an excuse to let Julie Andrews wear a crown and then go mattress surfing. Boy did it work. I read that book so many times, I bet I know it better than Meg Cabot herself.

Did I mention I was eight? If you’ve ever read The PD, you’ll know that it might be a little much for kids who are mostly still reading Judy Moody and s*** like that (I mean Judy no disrespect!). Fortunately, I had a filter in my mind that removed anything inappropriate from what I was reading, therefore rendering the references to condoms, “putting out”, and salad without dressing incomprehensible and insignificant.

The PD (and subsequent nine Princess Diaries books, the last of which came out when I was twelve) still managed to open me up to many things. French kissing, for one. I’d had no idea that this was something people did. I was shocked. I did, however, take comfort in knowing that Mia had not know what “frenching” was until she was eleven. How old and sexy this age of eleven sounded! Here is a list of some other things that The PD has taught me about over the years:

fetishists
cable access TV
FOIL method
bra sizing
IM’ing
the philosopher John Locke
condoms are sometimes flavored (I still did not know why for quite some time)
the quadratic formula
webzines
being flat-chested is bad
Sylvester Stallone
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
cold sesame noodles
self-actualization
feminism
paparazzi
contraceptive sponges
Sean Penn
….and many, many other things that I can’t even think of right now. Anyone who has read the entire PD series numerous times and saved it in her photographic memory for books (so, basically me) will tell you that all of the above are important themes throughout the series (no, seriously!). Thank you, The Princess Diaries. Before you, I was just a little girl who giggled with her best friend because she read the word ‘sexually’ in the first book. Now I am a mature young woman who giggles because she typed the word ‘sexually’. What a world.