I guess I was just tired of always losing to her. She had everything I wanted and couldn’t have just to rub it in my face. Even when I told her that I liked my best friend.

That was the fall of 2005, the starting of forth grade, probably the third week in. We were just beginning to learn where our classes were, and who our teachers were. There were only four teachers but it was a big school. I was never really in touch with my feminine side at that time until I met my best friend. We became best friends in second grade over a fight over who dropped a pencil. We ended up going to the principles office for it but we hit it off. My first friend was a boy, and my last friend was a boy. I was not considered to be a girl until I met her during that hour in the office. She taught me how to paint my nails, and brush my hair “the right way”

Anyways, the week before I told her that I liked him. It was just one of those little elementary school crushes. He was one of my closest friends and still is to this day. She said that that would be so cool. I asked her who she liked and she said no one and she doesn’t need one. The following week during recess, I walked right up to him and told him I would like to be his girlfriend. He looked at me and said I should’ve asked him earlier. I was extremely confused. Then behind me, out of no where, she came over and stood beside him. He said she asked first. I was crushed. I felt betrayed by my two best friends, humiliated, angry, and depressed. I spent the whole recess crying on the stairs that led up the the playground. I felt my heart break in two.

The next year I went into a deep depression. I hardly ate anything, I wasn’t doing good in school, and I wasn’t talking to anyone. Not even my mother. It wasn’t until I met with the guidance councilor. I told her what had happened the past year and how I felt. She told me that good things will happen eventually. It made me realize that I couldn’t base my life on one thing. I had to move forward and start over. I told myself I would live my dreams and grow up to have a wonderful family and a husband who loved me.

I’m still friends with him and she is out of the picture for good. I usually don’t like to talk about her and what happened but as I said, I have to move forward even if it means facing my past. I guess I’ve based my life on what the guidance councilor told me that day. I don’t have a perfect life, but I tell myself everyday that good will come soon. Sometimes I doubt myself, but than I look at old photos, videos, and life, and remind myself that, good will come. Maybe not when I wish it would, but soon enough when I least expect it.