Losing a family member or a friend is never easy. The first time it happens it almost feels unreal, like it must be some kind of mistake, or even a dream. You can’t imagine not seeing that person ever again and you just don’t know how to deal with all of the pain and emotions. These were all of things I was feeling in my seventh grade year.
That day started off just like any other, but when I woke up something just felt different, like wrong and out of place. It wasn’t until after I got out of the shower and got dressed that I knew why I was feeling this way. My mother got a phone call from the school nurse and West Middle School. She came out of her room with tears forming in her eyes and told me that I should sit down because she had something really important to tell me. So I sat down and listened to what my mom had to say. “Ryan,” she started to say to me “An ambulance was called to Joscelyn’s house this morning, and they found her, dead”. I sat there, motionless, letting the words sink in. I started to argue with my mom “No, you’re lying! It’s not true!” I screamed. Then, the words finally sunk in. I started crying so hard that I actually had a very hard time breathing. My mom comforted me and asked me if I’d like to go to school because they had a group of kids there to help grieve. I really wanted to go because I knew that seeing and talking to my other friends would help me a lot.
When I got to the school I was greeted with hugs and apologies saying I’m so sorry; I knew that she was your best friend. I was at that grieving session all day. But, unfortunately, it didn’t seem to help as much as I thought it would. It did help for a little bit, though, being with my friends, but I was still afraid to be alone, with nothing but my thoughts. When I went back to school, I still couldn’t go back to class. So, instead I went to the school therapist with other really close friends of Joscelyn. Plus, I started going to after school therapy sessions as well. This lasted for about one month. After that month, I was forced to go back to class. But, I still couldn’t go back to English class. We had English together and I couldn’t bring myself to sit next to an empty desk that I knew once belonged to her. So, I was out of English for about two months. I would just skip it, everyday, until I had the strength to go back. This was long after the wake and funeral, which were the hardest things I ever had to attend. I remember that at the wake I was surprised that I actually had the strength to stop myself from crying. That strength couldn’t last once I heard the words that Joscelyn’s dad said to me. “Ryan,” He began to tell me, “out of all of Joscelyn’s friends, you were her closest and most cherished one. She really loved you”. When he said that I was again reminded of what I was losing. Joscelyn wasn’t my best friend, she was my sister. She had truly felt like my sister and I was glad that I had the pleasure of meeting such a kind and beautiful person. It makes me truly sad, to this day, that I never had the chance to say goodbye.
That day in seventh grade, I lost more than just someone who was really close to me. I lost a part of myself, and I feel terrible for anyone else who has or had to go through this pain. Goodbye and rest in peace, my one and only sister. I will always love you and you will always have a special place in my heart.