When fantasy meets reality
I have vague memories of this.
Sitting on my floor, aching from the pain of yet another tedious day.
A jolt of excitement burst through my body as my phone lights up.
I unlock my touch-screen. I read the message over and over in my head until the two words he sent are engraved in my memory.
I can sense the tone in his voice. He wants to hangout with me, he really does. But only if and when things go exactly the way he wants them.
About five months ago is the last time this happened to me. My weekly Saturday routine of waiting by the phone to see if he decided to bail on me again, if his parents would drastically change their minds, or if I would get to go see my boyfriend.
Now here I am almost half a year later, and it’s getting harder and harder every day to recall why I am putting myself through this misery again.
He’s a real ladies man. All the girls are over him, but he always seems to have a girlfriend. He’s not a very loyal boyfriend, but he makes up for it when you see him in person. He makes you feel like you really are the only girl he likes and has ever liked, or loved for that matter.
He never really seemed to be disloyal to me. One time I suspected him of trying to cheat, so I dumped his a** right back where he started. That only resulted in me finding out it was one great big scheme for another girl to get a go at him. We ended up getting back together the very next day.
We didn’t end because he cheated, no. I just didn’t trust him anymore, and I started daily fights to the point where it wasn’t fun anymore. And that was that.
I can’t figure out why I want back in to this maze he calls his relationships. He’s very hot, very romantic. And he makes you feel every way that a girlfriend should feel. And all I can say, is that he’s the only one who seems capable of making me feel that way.
He has a girlfriend you know. I can’t tell if he’s trying to “get sum” and stay with her, or if he really likes me. If he really did I think he would have ended it with her by now, and we’d probably be together. But that’s not how it is, that’s never how it is. Unless you’re living in some perfect fantasy movie.
I’ve always wondered which is worse… Being the cheater, the one he cheats on, or the girl who believes she could actually win over a guy like the cheater- the one who doesn’t end up with the guy. And that person, would be me.