Yes it’s true, my brother is an Army soldier. Do I like it? Well, no. But I finally realize that he’s fighting for me, and for my family, and for people like you who think the war is stupid. You people think this war means nothing to you, and you don’t even seem to care about families who suffer every day because their loved ones die fighting for you. This is an opportunity for me to tell you the feelings that I have every day knowing that I might not ever see my oldest brother again.

From the day I found out my brother was getting shipped over sees, it tore me apart inside out. I was one of those people who didn’t think anything of the war--until my brother was in it. The feelings I have are indescribable, but I might be able to break them down for you. Picture the person who helped you through your worst problems. Picture the person who taught you about sports, and hunting, and fishing. Picture the person who always had your back--was always there for you, no matter how stupid your mistakes were. Picture the person who was always there--then wasn’t. Just like that.

That’s when I finally started paying attention to the news praying to God I didn’t see that name--the name that is now the father of two, a husband, a son, and a brother of three. Now all I think about is what he is doing or where he is. That’s the worst part--not knowing. It’s like going on a new ride and not knowing what’s going to happen. Only life is the ride, and the things it deals out is what you’re not expecting.

I cannot tell you how empty I feel now that he’s away. My family talks about him, and I have to leave the room or I go outside because I try to stay strong for my family. I am the youngest and the last one left at home. I cannot let my family down if he doesn’t come home.

I see my family pretending to be happy around Christmas time or other holidays we used to spend as a family, but I know it’s a fake expression. They know the same things I know. What kills me the most is seeing his pregnant wife and child. I can’t help but think of what will happen if something goes wrong. Both of his kids not having a father and her becoming a single mother at the age of 21. I can’t even dream of what my family especially my mother, sister, and other brother would be like if he doesn’t make it back.
Yet I see myself slowly fading away from my family and friends. I know that doesn’t make sense. Why would someone fade away from his family after he’s already lost one member of the family? But that’s just what I see. I wouldn’t know how to act or what to think.
But this isn’t about what I would do. It’s about how I feel, and I really can’t explain it any more than I already have. Right now my feelings are all sorts of screwed up--feelings of pride, anger, depression, and fear. These feelings pull me around like a dog with a rope. I hear people saying the war is getting better and it will be over soon. As far as I’m concerned, it’s still got a ways to go, but the war doesn’t get better in my eyes.
So for all those people who think this war doesn’t mean anything to them, I pray that this has opened your eyes. Just because you don’t have anyone in this war, doesn’t mean that there aren’t families hurt, and my brother is out there for you and all of us. So the next time you start to think the war means nothing, I encourage you to read this again, for this is the life of an Army brother.