Funny it is, how you thought this was what you wanted all along. What would make your last summer of freedom memorable. It was something you dreamed about, thought about in your free time.
Well, now you're stuck, aren't you?
Maybe you should have listened to me all along.
You know, me! The one down here stuck in the bottom of your bones, the little voice, your best friend who pokes you, prods you, nudges you in the direction I think you should go.
Look! You even wrote about it! You wrote, not so long ago, about how badly you wish it would just happen. How much you wish it would work out the way you wanted.
Well honey, be careful what you wish for.
And you know what?
After all that?
It did work out the way you wanted it to!
But the way you wanted it to work out...well you weren't ready, were you?
It's okay, you can tell me. We are best friends after all, you and me.
You know, he asked you. More than once. He said, "Are you ready?" And you had smiled mockingly, replied, "Of course, but are you ready?"
Maybe you should have thought a bit harder about what he had asked you, huh?
I know, this small section of your life always seems to be empty. A dry, cracked floor, parched and shouting at you, "Fill me up!"
Have you learned not to listen to it yet?
I get it, really, I do. There's that little black hole in everyone, you see. Try to fill it up, and sometimes yeah, you'll end up falling in yourself.
That's what happened to you, by the way.
You fell in. You fell deep, my sister.
You got what you came for, you experienced it and now you know. You know what to expect next time.
And trust me, there will be a next time. There's a first for everything.
I know you were tempted. Admittedly, I was too. But you see I'm wiser than you are, so next time how about listening down here, okay? See where it gets you.
Maybe you won't get so stuck next time.
All these emotions crumpled up in your inexperienced heart. I know, there's the tiniest hint of love in there somewhere, but it's hard to find it, getting past the frustration, shock, bewilderment, surprise, anger, happiness, anxiety.
Temptation.
Well, now you know. You know your limits, you know your boundaries. You know that just because everyone else is ready doesn't mean you are.
And that's okay!
When I know you're ready, I'll come hooting and hollering, bounding right up into your head, yelling at you loud and clear!
I'll ask, "Are you ready?"
But by then, I will know you are.