In the fading dry heat of August in Phoenix Arizona, I was making lots of money working at a luxury resort with a water park that was built on sacred Native American land. The summer of 2022 was non-stop. I worked three jobs to start saving up for college. You would think I would quit being a lifeguard because of the exhaustion of working three jobs at the same time as being only fifteen. However, the moment I knew I had to quit my job as a lifeguard was when I was shut down by my boss with a racist comment.

Six days a week I would go to the resort at eight in the morning lathered up in sunscreen ready to watch the water until the clock struck three. It had been two months since I had finished my two hour diversity sensitivity training and eight hour first aid training. Every day I used what I learned to give our customers an amazing experience at the water park. You could always hear the sound of flowing water from the lazy river and the excited screams of the souls brave enough to go down the gravity defying water slides. My fellow lifeguards were nice but quite hyper from the teenage hormones flowing through their blood, well mostly the guys were. The girls followed the lead of our two calm female bosses. Maria was tall with dark hair to match her tan skin, and to top it off she had a thick scary accent, but she was quite sweet if she wasn’t provoked. She was in charge of the lifeguards. While one position above Maria was Jessica who came off sweet with her doll-like blue eyes, but could turn around and bite your head off if you messed with her water park baby. She was in charge of guest services for the park like dining, towels, and ramadas. Their boss was Tim. I didn’t see him much, but when I did, he made me laugh. He was the manager of the water park as a whole.

As I walked to the break room to clock-in for the day I overheard chatter of a scandal within the lifeguard group chat. One of the whiter, younger males on the lifeguard team had sent a vulgar video to the group chat. The boy recorded himself screaming the N-word at the camera for giggles. He was known to slack off and not take his job seriously so it wasn’t a huge surprise to me. It had gotten around fast. So fast that the managers had already suspended him for two weeks. It was a shock to me that someone could be stupid enough to send a video of themselves screaming a slur in a work group chat. I couldn’t help but wonder if the suspension was going to turn into a termination or not. 

The next week I was walking back to the break room with another girl that had similar brown skin like mine. She proceeded to tell me that the water park was going to allow the video boy to come back and work his same job. I was surprised. I thought that they would at least move him to a separate job on the premises to respect the people who had to deal with his racism. She proceeded to tell me that she wanted to say something, about how hurt it made her feel, but she was scared of being scrutinized. I don’t blame her considering that a couple days earlier the talk in the break room was a debate on whether video boy should get to come back or not. The break room was divided with the white boys in the room claiming “He just said the N-word that’s not that big of a deal.” The other half was people of color and a couple of white allies screaming back “The N-word is not okay for anyone but black people to say!” I kept quiet in the corner so that I wouldn’t put myself in any danger with the aggressive boys. After a long debate in my head I decided to step up and tell my managers about how uncomfortable his continuation of the job made me feel.

After clocking-out the next day, I knocked on the door of my boss's office. Tim, Maria, and Jessica were all standing in there talking. My presence made them silent.

 “Can I talk to you guys for a second?” I said with a shaky voice.Maria nodded yes and closed the door behind me. I sat down in an empty chair that they guided me to. 

“I am uncomfortable with the return of the boy who screamed the N-word to our work environment.” I said.

“Is there any way he could just be moved to a different department or simply can not return at all?” They looked down for a moment in contemplation. 

“I can’t return to work knowing that I would be working with someone who intentionally does not care for others.” 

They all looked at each other in silence for a moment. Tim walked over to the blinds and used the small rope to close the window shut. Now the only light was from the fluorescent bulbs overhead. I knew that the answer would not be good from the tension rising in the air. 

Maria sat down next to me and covered her mouth with her hand as if she was trying to keep herself from saying something. Jessica stood in front of me in her all black and crossed her arms. 

She looked down at me and said “We know you are uncomfortable but there is nothing we can do about it because the N-word is an opinion.” I felt as if a pit of acid was just poured down my stomach hearing that sentence come from a white woman's mouth. I could no longer look her in the eyes. I tilted my head down to hide my tears that were starting to boil around my eyelids.

 “It’s nothing personal there's just nothing we can do about it” I heard her say without hesitation. At this point the tears here flowing out of my eyes and down my cheek. I couldn’t stop the hiccups either. Maria chimed in trying to make me feel better.

 “If you want to talk to HR you can see what they can do about it.” I couldn’t say anything. I was shocked that anyone would say that a history of racial pain and discrimination was just an opinion. 

I knew I was about to start screaming so I stood up from the chair and slung my bag onto my shoulder. They remained quiet until I was halfway out the door. “Let us know if there is anything we can do for you.” That felt like a stupid thing for them to say. I proceeded to cry the whole night and the next day. Never in my life did I think I would hear someone say such a thing to me. I decided to take action. I emailed Maria and told her I was putting in my two weeks notice. Then I picked up my phone and dialed the resort's Human Resources number. When a younger sounding girl on the other line answered, my words escaped me for a moment. But then I remembered how my managers made me feel trapped and alone in that room and it all came back to me. 

When explaining the situation to the girl on the other end of the phone I knew I had to explain how unfair it was that all employees of the resort have to go through sensitivity training before they can start working. 

“This training was 2 hours of videos and quizzes of people explaining why you need to respect others no matter their gender, religion, disabilities, sexuality, or race.” At this point in the call my tone was frustrated and confused.

 “In the training we were presented multiple examples of ways we could approach sensitive situations with another person. And EVERYONE had to do this. So why is it okay for my managers to treat this situation so insensitively?” There was a strong silence before the girl on the other end spoke. She sounded shocked and confused.

 She said “I am so sorry that they said that to you, I will speak with my boss in HR to make sure this boy's actions are treated properly and your managers are talked to about this.” I said many thank yous before the call ended. I felt better knowing that they would know how badly they hurt me and how to do it better next time. I was even hoping for an apology from them. But to my surprise, I never received a call back about the status of the waterpark employee or managers. 

I ended up not getting scheduled much for my last two weeks at the resort. When I was working I kept my distance from the managers and the people who supported the actions of the boy. I constantly think about that day when I am driving past the resort. I hate that so many people do not care for others and the words that hurt them. Growing up I knew that racism was still alive in the world. But I thought that those who chose the path of racism would face the consequences for their actions. He did not. And neither did the resort. I realize now how inconsiderate people can be. But I won’t let that stop me from hoping that the world can get better.  I hope that my children will never have to experience the racism that others so carelessly throw into the world.