The questions “What will I do with my life?” and “How should I live my life?” have been asked by nearly everyone at some point in their lives. Sometimes, it comes up at a person’s lowest point in life, when they have no idea where they are headed, and other times, the question appears when people are simply curious about their direction. Regardless of when or how the question pops up, it changes lives. It becomes a moment to ask yourself where you will be in a few years. What will you be doing? Will you be happy doing it? If not, why do it at all? This question came relatively early in my life as I constantly worried about the future. However, my answer was never finalized until years later.

I remember being interested in science and math in elementary and middle school. Growing up, my parents simply wanted me to be happy. And while they did not necessarily follow the Asian parent stereotype, I knew I wanted to try to be an engineer someday. It was a good balance between the subjects I was interested in and being able to make money. However, something happened during my 7th grade year. I remember a meteor shower that only happened once every 25 years or so. Looking at the beautiful sky, I thought about the next time I could see this sight. I would be in my mid-30s, and my parents would be around their mid-70s. Realizing that I could spend a limited amount of time with them, I wanted to create memories that would last, moments of time that my family could look back on and smile at. 

Recently, there have been moments that have solidified my “goal” of life. Before these past four months, I have never been to a funeral. Not one that I remembered, at least. The first came during September. My aunt has had cancer for over a year at that point. During the late summer of 2023, we knew it was not a matter of if but when. A few hours before her passing, we all FaceTimed each other. We went around sharing memories, both good and bad, and having laughs. When it was my turn, I stood there in silence. I had spent seventeen, nearly eighteen, years of my life knowing her, yet I could not think of a single memory. It was at that moment that I realized something.

While I wanted to make memories with everyone I was close with, it would be impossible to remember them all. I could make as many memories as I wanted, but there would be no point if I could not remember most of them. Before, I wanted to make memories with others so we could look back and smile. So, instead of trying to remember all I ever had with people, I simply decided to remember the associated feelings. Those feelings cannot be described in words, but they are mine, so there never was a need to. I remember telling my aunt as she lay there, “Thank you.” Those words carried more memories and feelings than any memory I could have. From that moment on, I had a change of heart. I no longer wanted to live to create memories simply. I wanted to look back and be proud and happy with the person I knew. And I hoped the people around me would feel the same about me. 

My friend’s father’s passing was sudden. It came without notice, making me realize once again that life was short. It could end any day regardless of how young or healthy a person seemed. The funeral was held two weeks after his passing in late December. While there, I held onto the promise I made a few months ago. Instead of trying to remember all the memories of them, I just smiled. After all, he was a man who would smile and laugh regardless of the situation. Death was a funny thing. While many see it as the end and associate it with being bad, I see it as something else. Endings can be good, after all. Much like finishing a book and having a book talk, I saw the funeral as a celebration of the ending. If you look at it from the surface, you are left sad as the story has finished. However, looking back at the whole book, you realize how beautiful the story was. 

These are some of the experiences that made me who I am today. And the experiences I have today will affect who I am tomorrow. As I grow, I will change, along with my memories. Change is good. And with change comes new feelings and experiences. Those feelings may be positive or negative but will grow and change. And so, to answer the question of my purpose in life, the answer today is to live a life where I will be proud if I die right now. I want people to remember me as someone they would be proud and happy to spend time with. It does not matter what memories they remember or do not remember. As long as they are happy with the time they spent with me, then I am proud of the life I lived alongside them.