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I Can't Get Over It
Sometimes I feel like screaming, but I can’t. I want to have fun. I want to hang out. I want to go to that once-in-a-lifetime concert, but I simply can’t. When I tell this to some people, they look confused. They tell me to “just get over it” as if something like this can simply be slept off. If you are one of those people, here are three things that I want you to know about my social anxiety.
1. Social anxiety is like a very persistent shadow. It follows you around everywhere you go. Sometimes it gets larger; sometimes it’s hardly there at all. But instead of the sun casting a shadow on you, it’s the prospect of interacting with others. Even in the dead of night when you’re slumped over in your uncomfortably hard spindly chair and staring cross-eyed at your blinding laptop, it’s there looming over you, watching your every move.
2. It makes everyday tasks difficult. You may snicker when you see me walking in the hallways; I can't even walk a few meters without my body stumbling around like a stiff sack of stupidity. Even eating out with others is a challenge. “What did you think of the pizza?” they’ll ask. Then I’ll realize I was too busy focusing on my appearance to actually taste the food.
3. I’m jealous of you. When I see people around me bravely raising their hands in class and pompously answering a question wrong, do I make fun of them? Well, maybe a little bit; I can’t help it. But for the most part, I’m envious of them. People always tell me to “try getting rid of it a little at a time.” But when I see just how far ahead some people are in front of me, I get discouraged.
“Just get over it” you say, unaware of all the things that circle through my mind every second of every minute of every day of every year. But honestly, I can’t blame you for laughing; it’s hilarious.
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