The inner workings of one’s brain are easily the most elaborate and sophisticated things God has ever created. Forget algebra and circumference; how people respond to situations and deal with other human beings is way more complex. It’s worth careful attention and practice. Take my story for example. It took me quite a while to learn how to see things in the right light: from events taking place to people’s attitudes. Like I said, it took effort, and I’m sorry it took what it did for me to finally realize it.

This whole thing started at my old school, a quaint elementary building, smelling of Clorox, Jolly Ranchers, and sweaty youngsters. Most classrooms were at one end of the hall, or up the miniscule staircase to the second story, while the lunch, gym, and music rooms were at the other end of the building. A layer of airport-style carpet covered the floor, so patterned that if you looked down at the floor for over 10 seconds while walking, you risked turning about face and pirouetting in the opposite direction, until you ran into a wall, not knowing where the heck you were, and why there were stars flying around your face a hundred miles an hour. For example. I suspected it was to cover up any unsightly stains the first through fifth graders might have spilled while running through the halls. I, decked out with a pink flamingo backpack, crisp, azure sneakers, and a peanut butter banana sandwich, would go to a few classes (snore), play at recess, eat, more classes (snooze), and then go home. My friends and I hung out, rolling down the grassy hill near the back of the school yard like bozos, trading cookies, and things were great!

But as I went through the daily grind of my youth (not that I’m much older now, or that my life even had a grind; the hardest thing being to tie your shoelaces and such), I found myself complaining about things that, looking back, were insignificant. I tended to look through a blurry lens, like cheap rockstar shades that end up turning the bridge of your nose green, which resulted in seeing everything, and everyone for that matter, as “meh”. My mother could even testify to that. “Why are you so negative all the time?” she would scold, wagging her freshly manicured finger so close to my nose I thought she would poke an eye out. “You never are satisfied with anything. Do you talk like this around your friends?”

“No,” I would always grumble, but indeed I did. It’s hard not to when people are so… so… insensitive. The thing was though, they weren’t being mean. Most times they just were ditzy children, saying things they didn’t really understand, or it was me, being rude. For example, if someone did something stupid at recess, I would have laughed. If we got homework, even a little, I would have grumbled it wasn’t fair. If someone said they liked my clothes, I would have dismissed them, not being polite, and leaving them in an awkward silence. My immature brain didn’t know how to look at things without seeing the worst aspects as being the only aspects. Kids could be mean, sure, and sometimes stupid, obviously, but I was ONLY looking at that, not the good parts of them as well. This made me vicious (as vicious as a kid could be), constantly being a downer, and generally not very fun to be around. You know what I’m talking about, and if you don’t, it’s probably you. That’s what my friend had told me one day. 

On the small playground, with brightly colored plastic slides, a rusty monkey bar set, and “soft” cedar chips (ow, ow, OW), my friend trotted towards me. She started to smile, the corners of her mouth perking up, her eyes sparkling, darting back and forth, but then, remembering why she had come over, stopped. She frowned, as if not sure what to say. I stood there, confused, gently swaying to and fro. “What?” I demanded. “Why are you looking at me like that? It’s kinda weird.” Suddenly, she blurted, in a long vomit of words,

“YOU KNOW I’M KINDA SICK OF YOU YOU’RE SO MEAN ALL THE TIME YOU RARELY SMILE AND SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU'RE EVER HAPPY!!” She huffed, gasping for her breath, her tiny shoulders moving up and down with each wheeze. “Not everyone is a meanie you know…,” she said at last. ”Mommy says that ‘people need to be shown the goodness in themselves, even when they can’t see it.’” I looked at her, amazed, her perfectly innocent face, her pink butterfly shirt, her sparkly headband… so perfect in every way… crossed my arms, looked down at my sneakers…and walked away. 

You can’t see through the back of your head. You don’t have eyes (except when you are promoted to an invaluable role like “mother”). But I can only imagine what she looked like, shoulders sagged, tears welling up, watching me walk away without a word, thinking what she said was utterly useless. I heard a sniff, barely detectable, but walked on. She’s the one who hurt me, I thought. But is she right? I trudged through the school day and headed home for the weekend. I was quiet the next week, carefully considering everything that would cross my mind; what I should say or think without being pessimistic. After a few days, and lots of thinking, crying, and listening, I decided something. I was going to do my best, no matter how hard, to see the good in things. The silver lining, the icing on cake, the golden leaves in fall, the little kindergartners’ crafts in the halls, a nice, white piece of paper, the chilled and delectable taste of fresh lemonade, pillows (who doesn’t love pillows?) and even my brother (THAT is still a challenge). A few years have passed since then. More tests have come up, all different kinds (I’m 14, and the male species is a category all in itself). But I can honestly say, humor, positivity, and empathy have been super important. 

Now don’t get me wrong, there are times to feel depressed, and wonder if life has meaning (a friend and I are working through that), or times to be solemn after something tragic has happened. There are times to cry, or rather bawl your eyes out, to get angry, scared, or listless. “There is a time for every activity under the sun.” What I am saying is that whatever you look for, you will find. If you are looking for people who judge and are downright jerks (which, if you are, may be reflecting involuntarily on yourself more than others) you will find them. You might even, like me with my classmates (who I thought were mean, but weren’t trying to), find them when they aren’t even there. However, if you commit, and look for the bright side, on anything at all, you will ALWAYS see the rainbow, and past the clouds.