Drowning in Distant Memories

When I was at my lowest, I thought it was over for me. Family issues repeatedly swarmed and took over my life, and I could barely think straight. I felt depressed all the time, and it truly represented me. Bad posture, bad clothes, less energy, looking worse for wear. I began to show signs of anxiety and depression, and started having panic attacks frequently. All of it was shown on my body and energy, and it only made me worse. Throughout this, I had supportive and good friends to help me, but there were still a few who only promoted this toxicity in the way they acted. I felt suicide on my mind every day, and was on edge all the time. My lows became normal, and my highs became a distant memory. It felt like every day was dark and gloomy, even if it was the brightest in years. Everything felt dimmed, and I was frozen. But somehow, just when I thought I was at the edge, and it was over, I was given a lifeline. That lifeline was an orange ball in the garage. 

When I grabbed that ball for the first time in months, I felt a light begin to be re-lit in my chest, and I began my road to redemption. I was given a chance to release my pent up anger and sadness that was stored inside my heart from my family problems, and use it as a fuel to benefit myself. I realized that the people around me who were talking bad about everyone they knew shouldn’t be around me. Due to this, I cut off those people who promoted toxicity, and further focused on the friends who supported me. I was able to clear my head for once, and I felt happy. Even when I would wake up, and see dark clouds and rain smothering my window and the road, I still managed to see through it all, and focused on the sun’s brightness in my life. That basketball let me get my life back, after it felt stolen and gone forever. I grew to be more disciplined when it came to certain aspects of my life, and found friends through basketball who actually supported me, and I was in a place to offer that support and comradery back to my friends. 

I had always managed to keep my head above the water when it came to my problems and always strived to fight the urge to sink under. But, I lost that urge to fight. I was worn out and mentally battered, and the fuel that pushed me disappeared. I was drowning in the pressure and issues, but I was dragged back up above the water by something. For me, it was that basketball. I began to soar above the water, and now I’ve decided to stay there. That basketball in my garage made me the best person I could be and helped me realize that I can still be better. I can always improve myself, and I have a lifeline to use when I need it.