Doubting a religion can be difficult, especially if you’ve been around it your whole life. Sometimes you don’t fully understand why you doubt it, you just do. I went through that, I doubted my religion but I came back and it made me even stronger in that religion than I ever could be.

To start, I grew up in a baptist christian family. My family was very religious and still are. I just fell into that same boat and I was just believing in that because my family was and I thought I had to. Since a young age I was very involved in the church and doing everything we could do with the church family. I was going to the bible studies and the kid services, and paying attention and taking notes, but I wasn’t absorbing any of the information because I felt like it was just another thing I had to do. I didn’t want to go. I didn't want to do any of it. 4th grade me just didn’t see the point in getting up early on one of the only days to sleep in, on the weekend. And this carried on  forever. I was just going through the motions. Until around 7th grade I started to doubt what I was hearing in church, and I started not caring what was being said or what I was believing in. I started trying to believe in nothing at all. I was doubting all religions, just living my life but nobody knew it. I still acted as if I cared and I wanted to learn more, but that wasn't the case deep down. Once I got into 8th and 9th grade I lost all of my faith. I started doing things just because I wanted to,No beliefs to judge whether or not it was right or wrong. People were telling me I was doing wrong , it was from a religious point of view , I didn’t care what they believed in because I didn’t care what I believed in. I’ve been to church summer camps before and would feel a conviction but I wouldn’t do anything about it I just let it pass. That was until the summer going into my sophomore year.  At a summer camp at Ridgecrest Conference Center in North Carolina. I had a conviction so strong that I could not ignore it this time. It was so strong,I remember I just bursted into tears. The night of  June 15, 2022 I decided to get my beliefs straight,and stick to those beliefs. It was very hard at first, I struggled a lot, doubting if it was the right decision. I was scared my new friends would find out about my past and if that would change how they saw me. Little did I know it wouldn’t change, even after they found out, they were loving and understanding. This is the most I have ever felt loved before. I don’t think I would have got to where I am right now if I didn’t have doubts and curiosity. 

So, I doubted what I believed in, but I came back to it, and now I feel as if I could never doubt it again. I may not have seen it at the moment, but doubting actually helped me grow because while I was away and questioning ,I realized how much I actually needed it.