My heart is thumping like a bass drum. My stomach feels like it is entering a black hole, being swirled up in a blender full of puke that I want to let out of my mouth. My self-respect is on the line. In my peripheral vision, there are blue lockers that are rusted, and below is a dirty floor that was never dusted. But I am staring into space. Standing there before gym class starts.

Contemplating.

I feel the air rush through my nostrils, it is a shot of strong Jack Daniels straight to the head. It stinks of 12 year olds who were forced to run 10 laps because they cheated in dodgeball. I look to the top of the lockers, and I see my sin. High up on top is a pair of pants, black ones, thrown up by a boy who wanted to impress some other boys. I make a decision, for redemption, and instantly, a wave washes over me, pushing away the guilt that had taken over me. After quickly climbing to the top, clasping the pants with my hand, and experiencing a sense of glory, I toss the pants on the ground, and they sit there watching me. I hold myself up with my arms and dangle my feet in front of the locker. Without putting much thought into it, I let go. Time slows as I free fall, and I hear “thump.” My tongue feels like it is being severed in half by the guillotine of my teeth. My head feels like an atomic bomb exploding. My chin had collided with the locker, and it feels like it got 10 shots of novocaine injected into it. My head is in a haze. As I gain a little bit of clarity, I look down. Blood is dripping onto the floor.