I woke up to the bed that I've been in for 15 years, but something was off and I couldn't tell what it was. This has been an ongoing thought for the past couple of months, but I always tell myself that it's probably nothing. I get up and continue my usual morning routine, shower, brush my teeth, and comb my hair. I got changed while my husband, Micheal, was taking a shower, he came out angry and I couldn't figure out why until he started screaming at me.

“You left the shower on and now there is no more hot water, our bill this month is going to be tremendous. I am going to need to pick up extra shifts this week! Great!”

He always yells at me like this, it must have just slipped my mind. I have been forgetting lately but it's just from old age. 

I got my breakfast, plain oatmeal with a banana on the side. I take my oatmeal to the table and sit down. This morning it took me a while to finish my food because I kept zoning out and thinking about random things I don't even remember. I get up and put my bowl in the dishwasher, as I'm closing the dishwasher I see a banana on the counter. Micheal must have gotten it out but forgotten about it. I leave the kitchen and head out to the living room. I sit down on the couch and turn on the national dog show. This has been one of my favorite pastimes ever since I was a little girl, I love it! I knew that Micheal would love it too so I called him….

“Micheal Want Dog Show watch with me?”

“What are you saying, I can't understand anything that's coming out of your mouth?!”

“Nevermind”.

I feel like Micheal has been more angry and aggressive towards me, but I've always assumed that he's tired, with working and just getting older in general. I continue to watch the show, until another show comes one afterwards, i watch that show too. When I finally turn the TV off I walk up and head into the kitchen to make myself lunch. I look at the clock on the oven and see that it's already 6pm so I decided to just make a simple dinner for myself since Micheal was at work, and wouldn't be getting home for another couple of hours. I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich, so I took the cheese out of the cupboard and the bread out of the fridge. I put the cheese in between the two pieces of bread and put that on the pan. While it was toasting, I sat down and started to think about my daughter Julie. Oh how I miss her.

I start to smell a burning smell and I realize that there is a fire on my stove top. I get my half full bottle of water and throw it on the fire, just making it worse. I take a hand towel and start to slap it on the fire, it slowly starts to go down. I start to get angry at my stove for causing such a fire and ruining my dinner. How could this have happened? I've been here the whole time and it's only been a couple of minutes. I hear the door open. Micheal. 

“Why are you home so early?” I ask. 

“What do you mean, it's 9 o’clock.” he says. 

I look at the oven and see the time, he was right. I feel like time has gone by so fast lately and it's so weird, it upsets me too.  

“Why does it smell like burnt toast in here?” He said angrily.

I was afraid to tell him what actually had happened because I didn't want him to get mad at me so I just made something up.

“Oh i was putting a piece of toast in the toaster and it never popped up and then it started to burn. It looked like a piece of coal when I finally pulled it out.”

“Well you should have been paying more attention.”

I walked away, and sat back down on my old tired couch. I get out my phone and decide to call my daughter. The phone starts ringing and then she picks up 5 seconds later. We were talking about her coming up here in a few weeks and I got a burst of excitement. It's been so long since I've seen her and I can't wait! Once I hung up the phone I told Micheal the good news. 

“Micheal, Julie is coming down in a couple weeks to visit us! We haven't seen her in years! Aren't you excited?”

“Mary, Julie just came up here 3 weeks ago, what are you talking about?”

“She says she wants to take me to the doctors to get a check-up, isn't that nice Micheal. Gosh I haven't been to the doctors in so long.”

I woke up one morning 3 weeks later. I felt excited when I woke up but I don't know why. I get up and do my usual morning routine. I brush my hair, and take a shower. I go downstairs and I see a person in the kitchen. It's not Micheal and she looks familiar but I just can't seem to figure out who it is. I keep walking towards the figure standing in front of my stove, it looks like it's a middle aged woman, and she's cooking. I wanted to ask if she needed help with anything but the words just didn't come out of my mouth. 

She turns around and walks towards me, a look of happiness on her familiar face. She embraced me with a tight squeeze around my body, I couldn't figure out what she was doing. I just stand there.  

“Mom! It's so good to see you, I've made you breakfa-”, I cut her off.

“Mom? I'm sorry, do I know you?” I am confused.

“Um, Mom it's me Julie?” she says, a look of sorrow spread across her teary eyed face. 

“Julie! OH! Hi sweetie, it's so good to see you! How have you been?” a smile came onto my face faster than a race car can drive. I can't believe I didn't recognize her at first. She must have gotten a new hair cut or something. 

“Mom make sure to eat your breakfast, we have to leave soon to go to the doctors, remember?”

“Of course I remember, how could I forget, my favorite daughter is kind enough to take her dear old mother to get a check-up!”

She starts laughing. “Mom, I'm your only daughter!” 

We get in the car and Julie starts driving. I stare out the window. The next time I look up,  Julie is parking. I look towards the building and it doesn't look familiar. We start to head inside and the smell of lavender mixed with handsanitizer fills my nose. She cheaks me in and we sit down. She looks at me and begins to talk..

“Mom I just want you to know that this doctor does things differently and it might be confusing but I'll be here the whole time.” she says with a look of happyness mixed with a little bit of fear.

“Thanks sweetie but I'm sure I'll be fine. I was never afraid of the doctor's office. And besides, it's just a check-up.” 

After we were done talking a woman came out of the main door and called my name. I stand up and leave Julie in the waiting room. She's such a good daughter, taking me to the doctor. I have always been so grateful to her. I kept following the doctor and she led me into this room. It's different from a regular doctor's office, there's a desk and comfy chairs. She tells me to take a seat and I listen. She starts asking me a bunch of questions that she should already know about me, I mean she is the doctor here. She asks about my age and the date and even about my family. I get being asked about my family but I don't want a doctor who doesnt even know today's date. Then she showed me a bunch of images and told me to remember them. She also took scans of my brain. Once we got back from the brain scans she asked me to pronounce a bunch of words which was also very weird, but i mean she is the doctor so I followed her instructions. She had me solving math problems and she was testing my reflexes, but before I knew it the appointment was over and she took me to see Julie. She told me and Julie to come back tomorrow for the results of all the tests. That's what really got me confused. Why would we need results, I wasn't being tested for anything. 

I woke up the next morning and went downstairs to say hi to Julie. She made breakfast again. She always has taken care of me and I'm so grateful for her. She tells me that we need to go back to the doctor's office again. I'm a little confused because I remember going there yesterday. But she says that they have some sort of results in. I go with her because I would trust her with my life if I had too. 

We arrive at the doctors office, I don't remember being here but I do sense a familiarity in the building. The scent of lavender mixed with handsanitizer fills my nose, but this time I recognize the scent. I probably have smelled something like this in the past. Julie cheeks us in, like she did yesterday, and we wait in silence to be called. This nice lady with a pleasant smile comes out of the doors, and she calls a name. Julie starts to stand up, she looks back at me and takes my hand. We walk up to the doors to the lady and she takes us back. The other lady must have not been there when they called her. 

We sit down in these super comfy chairs and the nice lady pulls out a file folder from her desk. She opens it. I can feel that Julie is tensed up and a little nervous looking. I start to feel nervous just by looking at her. The doctor finally starts talking after looking at the papers. 

“I'm sorry to say this, but unfortunately you have tested positive for major Neurocognitive Disorder.” I look at her confused.

“What is that exactly?” I ask.

“In other words, you have tested positive for Dementia, which is a form of underlying damage and/or deterioration in the brian. We have found out which strand of Dementia you have, and unfortunately it is the most common strand, Alzhiemers.”

I stare at her dumbfoundedly. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I start to get upset, I can't control my emotions and I walk out of the room and wait in the car for Julie to come out. 

Julie walks out the double doors leading into the building. She comes out, eyes swollen. I know that she isn't just sad because of my diagnosis, there's something else, I can just tell. 

It's been a couple months ever since Julie was in town and I was diagnosed with my disease. I don't even want to say the word, it's just too saddening. I haven't really done anything different from what I did before the doctor's appointment. But there has been a different feeling in the house. This young lady has been coming in. I think her name is Maggie, but all she does is tidy up, which I can do myself. 

A couple more months go by, at least I think. Time these days has been weird, it's gone by really fast. One minute it's breakfast, I sit on the porch and watch strangers walk by, the next Micheal comes home and we have dinner. One day, as I'm sitting on the porch, a car pulls into the driveway, it's a young woman. I assume that it's Maggie but these days I don't know my left from my right. She walks up and gives me a hug, the smell of her perfume gives me a nice feeling. She calls me by a word, it's not my name but it does seem familiar. I think it was Mom. She goes into the house, leaving me on the porch. I hear a bunch of noise in the house and then more cars pull up, first Micheal, which surprised me because it seems too early for him to be coming home from work. But then a big truck pulls up and now I'm really confused. I go inside the house when the sun goes down like I do everynight. I walk into the house and see a complete mess. I know that I didn't do this, maybe it was the girl who came in earlier. I keep looking around and I notice that it's not just a mess, there are big brown boxes everywhere, I keep walking until I get to the kitchen. I start to feel an anger rising inside me. I see this random girl and Micheal putting my things into boxes, and taping them up. 

“What are you doing Micheal?” I said angrily. 

“Me and Julie are just tidying things up to make it easier to get settled into our new home.”

“Our new home? What's wrong with this home?” i say, starting to feel emotions i can't explain travel through me. 

“Well we just need more support, so Julie has found us a nice place to live. Don't worry, you will like it.”

How can he be so calm? I start to tear up, but not just from being sad, but from frustration. I try to keep calm but I just can't. The next thing I know I am acting like a child having a tantrum, and I try everything I can to stop myself but it's almost like my brains taking over my entire body.

“Mom, why don't we go and watch a tv show?”

There's that word again, mom, it means something but I just can't figure it out. She takes me into the living room and turns on the tv. My mind calms down and I watch, like I do everyday. But something in the back of my mind is off, there's something going on and I just can't figure it out. 

I wake up the next morning, Julie comes into my room. I look around and see nothing, the walls are blank, there's nothing on the floor but a single suitcase. She told me that we are going on a trip. I got excited and quickly hopped into the car. When I walked through the house, everything was gone. Was it like this last night? I think to myself, but I can’t bring myself to remember. I don't pay too much attention to it because my mind can't get over the fact that I'm going on a trip with my daughter. I hope it's somewhere warm. 

We’ve been driving for so long. Julie finally tells me that we are going to visit her house and then we will go to our final destination. I'm very excited because I've never been to her house before. Micheal’s in the back seat sleeping but I try to make conversation with Julie. 

“ Are you excited for Christmas sweetie?” I ask.

“Mom it's summer.”

“Yeah i know, it hasn't snowed yet but it will by Christmas eve, it always does.” 

There was no response, I heard her trying to hold her breath, I think something i said made her sad. Maybe she was just too excited for Christmas. We kept driving. When we finally parked, we were in this parking lot connected to this hotel looking place. I was excited because I haven't been to a hotel in so long. I'm assuming that this is our final destination. Micheal comes out of the car and goes inside, probably to check us in. Me and Julie get my suitcase out of the car. It's only my suitcase, but maybe Julie put her clothes in it so we can save room. We head inside and I get a very friendly welcome. We go to the elevator and press number 4. As we are walking down the hallway, I see a lot of people inside of their rooms, doors wide open. Almost like my old college dorm building. 

Once we finally get to our room, there are a bunch of boxes. It's a nice room though but maybe they should have been more prepared for our arrival. There is a small kitchen, one bedroom, and one bathroom. I ask Julie why there is only one bedroom and bathroom but she just sits me down on the bed as if we were about to have a deep conversation. 

“Mom there's something that we need to talk about.”

I sit there listening.

“This isn't a vacation, this is your new home. It's a super nice place and it's really close to my house, so you will be able to visit me whenever you want. All of these boxes are stuff from your old house. I'm sure you're probably super mad at me, but I promise this is best for us all.”

I stare blankly at her. Am I hearing this right? I start to get upset. I don't know what happened next but I woke up in my bed, my things unpacked, and Julie and Micheal gone. I'm all alone. I have no-one and I'm in this place where people don't even know my name. A lady with teal scrubs comes into the room. She runs a lot of tests and says that dinner is ready in the cafeteria downstairs if I would like to get some. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get downstairs and the lady in the teal scrubs just left. I'm not sure what I'm doing here.I feel so confused and alone. 

For the next few weeks I've been visited by a couple people. I don't remember their names but I know that in some way, they are here for me. 

They visit for the next month. I don't know what they are to me, I would likely consider them my friends, but you know your friends name, and I don't know anyone's name, not even my own. I can tell that whatever sickness I have is getting worse everyday. I am constantly being checked up on and monitored by these beeping machines, and I sleep most of the day. The only thing in my body that works right now is probably my brain. I dream things, and think of things to make time go by a little faster. But overall, I feel like I'm slowly losing myself, and there's nothing I can do. Whenever I'm awake, people treat me like I'm some toddler who can't do anything for herself. I don't know why people are treating me like this but hopefully one day, i'll get better and then i’ll be treated normally again. 

I don't know how long it's been, but I think a while. More people have been visiting me, a lot of people I recognize, but I just don't know who they are. People are handing this one girl flowers and cards, which makes me mad because, I'm the one who's sick, she's just always there watching me. When I'm sleeping she's there, and when I wake up she's there. She's always there. But I fall back asleep, my dreams are the only thing helping me fight whatever sickness I have. 

I wake up one day, and she's not in her usual seat. She's on my bed, crying. I don't know why she would be crying, she doesn't even know who I am. And anyways I'm awake, so why would she be crying on me. She looks up, and I can finally put a name to her face. It is my daughter, Julie! I get out of bed. She is still crying, I wrap my arms around her and give her a hug. I can't believe it, I'm finally getting better. She doesn't hug me back though. I unwrap my arms from her torso. It hurts me that my own daughter won't even give me a hug back, especially since I'm not sick anymore. I walk around the room, the beeping machine is turned off. Thank goodness, that thing drove me crazy. I walk outside of my room and see Micheal. I ran up to him and gave him a hug, but like Julie he didn't flinch. He is talking to this doctor, I can see that he's upset and holding back tears. They are probably happy tears because I'm better now. I walk back into the room. I see Julie, still crying over me. Over me. But I'm here, why would there be two of me?