The title of this essay is really not what you think it is. I've just recently started having seizures, back in march was my first grand-mal seizure. I woke up and everyone was just staring at me. Everyone was also kind of scared, and I even felt lost because I didn't understand why this would happen. How could it happen? My boyfriend was in bed with me and he was the one who was there to witness the seizure. I would have never known it happened if he wasn't there with me. He said that I sit up super quickly and then I just start freaking out and twitching. Which is even more terrifying cause what if I was just walking around not knowing I was having those in my sleep? It just makes me feel so weird, cause I don't think of myself as somebody who would do something like that but I guess that's just how my body works. I was just confused but also didn't think much of it. For the first seizure, you have a 90%-80% chance that you won't have another one. So we were just hoping for the best for a while. About a month later I woke up on the floor and I felt very sick when my boyfriend got home he said I threw up in my hair and was all over the bed. Somehow I managed to roll myself over and not choke on my own throw-up. When that happens normally means that I had another one. The thing is I don't remember having it. I just woke up supper sick and sore. I don't know why I rolled over because I don't remember doing it which is funny I think. My boyfriend says that it's a reflex because you're not breathing. So I kinda saved my own life without knowing. It's really scary sometimes, I could have permanent brain damage if I have too many. By the second seizure your odds of having more drop to about 50%. My parents don’t believe in doctors. Ever since I was little we didn't go to the hospital unless we broke a bone or we were dying. I'm not even vaccinated, I've never been on prescription medication, We just never did that kind of stuff. We also don't have insurance so even if we wanted to go get an MRI we couldn't afford it. So that's also scary because we don't have anything to prevent my seizures. The last seizure that I had was in September. About a month ago. I woke up again and everyone was surrounding me and I was throwing up and sick and I didn't remember anything. Like the last couple of times. This time wasn't any different but I did wake up right before it happened and i tured off the alarm and then went back to sleep. Then my seizure happend. My odds of having more drop to 10% now. So thats even more of a scare because im definitely going to have more im just not sure when. Even though i've only had 3 grand-mal seizures im pretty sure that i've had more than that they were just conscious seizures. So i was awake and aware it was happing I just didnt know what it was. What happrnds is I get super sweaty and I feel very sick, but what makes that happen is this deja-vue feeling that i get. Its like I've been in that place before and felt the was I was feeling before but I dont think I had. It just felt like I had, But not in a good was. It was like a bad menorie, like i didnt need or want to be remembering thoes things. Even though there wasnt anything specific that i didnt want to be thinking about. The first time it happened this year was when i saw a dead bird. You know how when the birds surrond the body and chirp at it. Well that made me feel so horrible and sick. Every time I see that happening I feel scared and sad. Which leads to the sweating and the sickness. Sometimes ill throw up this stomach acid. Well, what is happing is a seizure and I didn't know that. So for a while, I just thought I had some serious mental health issues. And I mean I do but I was worried I was gonna die. Some articles online said that you can even hallucinate and see things so I’m also concerned that I was just imagining those birds and they weren't ever actually there. Also, I saw a study about how Reslest leg syndrome which is an issue where you can't stop shaking your legs. Is a sign of early epilepsy. I don't suffer from ADHD. At least im pretty sure I don't I can pay attention pretty well but for some reason, I have to shake my leg constantly. So that could be a leading issue to my seizures. I’m mostly just worried about my next seizure and how it's going to happen and just want to know all of the leading causes and what might be a sign that one is coming soon.