I had never had dreams that would make me sound crazy. I never figured I would think about doing insane sh*t, but I guess things come unexpectedly. Normal is defined as calm or happy. But my normal isn't, so therefore doesn't count. The thought of looking at my bloody hands seems to ease me, the stories of suicide and gore replay in my head and although it is triggering to my mind, it creates this effect where everything just stops. 

The violence and the noise portrayed as disturbing completely freezes time, the wind whistles and rings in both my ears as i am stuck in this type of trance that puts this demonic - like thing in my head, the noise. It takes control of my entire body and I cannot seem to identify whether it's screaming at me or whether there is none at all.  The earth just stops and nothing is real and I wonder, what am I good for?

If not just a soul present meeting various others during this lifetime then what am I good for?  As i sit by the window with my mind filled with scribbles I am lost. My eyelids stutter and my pupils dilate for all that I know it could be a dream. The happiness the others have seeked from me, the care they seem to give, nothing is real. Cars explode in my mind and I replay it in my head like its an addictive movie, for my mind is an addiction, my thoughts overtake me completely and I am left surrounded with nothing but this dark light that outshines every single thing. My nightmares once were being glued to a cemetery with dead corpses rising, my mind has shown me now that it's a hobby I would do willingly. Being stuck there with souls that were taken many years ago brings this drug -  type feeling and again I say that nothing is real. If not the sky or the sea, then the people who breathe but soon will all turn to dust.