When people become engulfed in their emotions and lose control, they feel helpless. And I’ve thought if this helplessness and overabundance of courage is the sweetness of life that love delivers in the bitterness of individuals who are constantly forced to be sensible.

Losing friends, family’s incomprehension, and the intense emotions of rebellion dragged me into a protracted period of depression a year ago. Unexpectedly, a young guy came into my life like a ray of sunshine. Many of his acquaintances claimed he was a man who cheated and played with the sentiments of women, and they mourned his numerous flaws. However, such a person has no merit in everyone’s eyes but shines in mine.

I used to be thought of as an independent, tough girl who couldn’t be emotional, which meant I was always met with misunderstanding and prejudice. And when I grew weary of saying, “You shouldn’t have feelings; you should make reasonable decisions,” that boy showed me that I could be vulnerable, exhibit my emotions, and show my entire self whenever I wanted.

He’s like my fluoxetine.

And that was the first moment I realized that every rational thinking is nonsense when it comes to love.

However, most youthful love stories don’t hold up under inspection, and we’re no exception.

Since I left him, my life seemed to have darkened, bringing with it a flood of tears and disappointments. But he taught me that my life is worth more than a label and that I don’t have to live under one. I’m able to live “as myself.” As my love grew in number, and I was exposed to the stereotyped view of “early relationship impact study, bring negative effects to my future” of the beginning, I began to consider what relationship can bring us in our hormone throbbing age, why love is an essential part of life, and why I don’t believe it is just about reproduction. I’ve been thinking about the boy, who, in the end, is what draws me in, but there’s no solution; I liked him crazily. Love is not consumable, but it may enrich our naive hearts and personalities when we meet new people and live diverse lifestyles.

After the breakup, I met him in the school hallway once by chance.

“Do you hate me?”
“For what?”
“Dumping you.”
“Not at all. In fact, thank you.”
“For what?”
“Came into my life.”