My face is frozen from the ice-piercing water. I have fallen in and all of a sudden I can’t swim nor breathe. I tried to grasp for air but it was no use. The ocean had grabbed onto every one of my limbs and pulled me down further and further till there was nothing I could do. I am drowning, but I’m above water.

       The waves crash against my feet and there I am standing flat on my uncle's boat looking over the ocean. The cold, salty wind brushes against my body creating goosebumps that run up and down my skin. Water trickles down from my toes back into the ocean, I’m mesmerized but at the same moment petrified. 

“Alyssa lunch is ready,” my mom shouted. I’m shaken from my thoughts and I call back “coming,”. I walk up the stairs that lead to the second floor of the boat. Railings line the edges of the sides, as I lean over them to look out at the view. The ocean is an azure blanket dotted with white triangles of distant sailboats at sea. Palm trees align the island beaches tipping their brimming viridescent leaves down at the sand. The briny air carries the smell of steak and rice.

“Alyssa you don't want your food to get cold,” my mother spoke, but softer this time. I turn around to my family sitting at the table, I sit down and join them. Everyone starts talking and laughing as they serve themselves hot food. I don’t participate in my family's conversation, instead, I look out into the view spotting the rippling waves crashing against the shore. I've zoned out.

“Alyssa, Alyssa, ALYSSA,” my brother bellows.“Yes, sorry, what's going on?” I say after almost jumping out of my seat. “I was wondering if you and Sofie wanted to go snorkeling around the shores with me,” my brother responds. This ick feeling swooshed in my stomach, I could hear the screams from inside me yelling not to go but my next words were not what was building up inside me, “Yes, I’ll go,”.

After our conversation I got up to help clean from lunch, wanting to pass some time before we left. Once everything became spotless I had to start getting ready to go out to the shores. I picked up a bathing suit from the day before. Once I put it on, a striking bitter feeling grew in my body. 

“You ready?” Called my cousin. “Yes,” I called back, but truly I wasn’t.

  I left my room and went back out to the dock. My uncle suggested that we take our jet skis to the shores instead of just paddling. We agreed.

I got on one of the jet skis, my paddle board already strapped to the end. When I sat down, it was as if my body was awakened and I had just realized what I agreed to. I felt dizzy, regret crawled up my skin till I could taste it but there was no going back now. When we got to shore, I stepped off the jet ski. The ocean looked like an enormous pool of wonders as I un-strapped my paddleboard. The sand stuck in between my toes, like standing on a cloud that I could just seep into. Each time I got close to the water I could feel the sand being pulled from under my feet back into the ocean. The cool wind snapped me back to reality, back to the sick feeling that lingered in my stomach. I finally got onto my paddleboard after seeing my cousin and brother a few feet infront of me. The water glistened from the sun, it was clear, clear enough that I felt like I was floating in the sky. We started paddling out, the once shimmering water started becoming darker and darker till we couldn’t see the bottom. A wave of fear rose over me, I’m glued to my paddleboard, and the waves under me push me farther and farther away from shore. In the distance my cousin and brother had already jumped in, I could hear the oohs and ahhs coming from them but I was still stuck to my board, almost as if a force had grabbed onto me holding a barrier between me and the water. “Splash” a big wave hit me and I fell in. My barrier is shattered. 

The paddleboard had drifted far from me. At that moment I realized that I had forgotten to put my goggles over my eyes. My heart was pounding so fast I forgot how to breathe and swim. I started submerging farther and farther into the water. It felt as if I was far enough down that I wouldn't come back up for another breath. 

A hand reached out and grabbed onto me and I was lifted above the surface of the waves. I wasn't as far down as I thought. 

My cousin started speaking, “Breathe Alyssa, breath, put your goggles on and look at what's around you,”. I started putting my goggles over my eyes.

My body breaks through the sapphire waves as I immerse my head into the water. The first thing that caught my eye was the fish in every color, that swam lazily till they started to swim away and all that was left was a flick of a bright fin. Glistening stingrays hid around the shores and swam beneath me every time they thought I wasn’t looking. Coral lined the ocean's floor, each piece unique to itself. The water was tinted with green-blue light, as the sun rays struggled to force their way through. Here, though it manages to reach, bathing everything in a soft light that gently shifts with the water above. it was all peaceful and alluring and I felt free. 

 I went above the waves to search for my paddleboard, once I found it I started heading back to the shore to go back onto the boat. The dark waters started glistening again, bringing back the feeling of floating on air. My paddleboard hits the Sandy shore and I strap it onto the back of my jet ski. The rearing of the jet ski roars and I start heading back to the boat. 

I started thinking, I’ve lived by beaches and islands for 5 years of my life and I had never experienced a moment like that day. Maybe it's because I’m scared to loosen up or it's the fact I don't want to live with the conscience if something goes wrong, but when I fell into the water I felt free from myself and from the barrier I had put up for many years. So, the lesson I learned that day is if I never loosen up I might miss some of the best parts of my life. 

At last, the horizon stretches across my entire field of view in the most prepossessing way. A massive expanse of crystal clear water is all I see ahead of me as the breeze caresses my skin, keeping it warm as the sun slowly starts to fade. At this moment I feel like I can do anything, and I am ready to take on life’s next adventure.