The first time I heard the words “LGBTQ community”, it became ingrained in my mind that to be gay meant being a sinner and sinners would be condemned to hell. Growing up, gay was something feared. Something to be hidden away. I cringed reading a book with a lesbian side character, believing that it was something diabolical and disgusting. However, during my freshman year of high school, God blessed me with a queer best friend and altered my mindset forever.

My first time at the school’s Gay Straight Alliance was nerve-wracking. As a straight individual, I constantly felt out of place. As a Christian, I felt as though I became a sinner merely by association. However, I had decided to come with my best friend because she was too shy to go on her own, and I owed her one. I had no interest in making any more gay friends, even if they ended up being nice people. As far as I knew, most gay people didn’t like Christians, and my religion made up an important part of myself. So I sat alone in the corner, while my friend shyly socialized, until an officer came over and handed me a tiny gold safety pin.

“We’re pinning pride ribbons to our backpacks,” they explained, “Do you see your flag?"

“Oh, I don’t have one, I’m just here with a friend. I’m straight.”

“Okay cool! You can keep the safety pin if you want.”

“Cool,” I laughed. “Thank you.” 

For some reason, I proudly pinned it onto my jean jacket, and didn’t take it off when I got home. The people at GSA turned out to be quite different from what I had expected. They talked about pride flags and sexuality, but they also talked about school and music and all kinds of generic things. They acted like normal kids, just like me. That's when it hit me. The kids from GSA didn’t dislike me, not for being straight, not for being Christian, not for anything. I was the one who actively judged people, just for their gender or who they might love. From that moment on, I made a vow to myself to become a better person and a better ally. 

Two years later, I have kept that vow to myself. Sophomore year took me on a journey of self discovery in which I realized I was actually a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Having to make new friends, make choices about coming out to people, and navigating the world of religion and sexuality changed me as a person. I can say with confidence that my journey changed me for the better. 

Last Thursday, I stood in a sea of over forty LGBTQ+ students. As I helped to direct everyone to their seats, I passed around high-fives and smiles and fiddled with the tiny gold safety pin still affixed to my jacket. My friend, who has gone from shy freshman to proud GSA President, gathers the attention of our club members, and introduces herself to our peers. Our Vice President and Senior officer go next, and then it's my turn. 

“Hi everyone! I am (my name), or (my nickname) for short, my pronouns are she/they, and I am your junior officer this year. If y’all ever have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me, I am always happy to listen, give advice, or help with anything I can.”

As I saw the faces smiling up at me, I thought back to my first time at GSA after coming out, when the officers gave their introductions and told us what they could help us with. I remembered feeling so grateful that I had upperclassmen to look up to, so that I wasn’t alone on my journey. The former officers sacrificed so much for us, from buying snacks, to helping us with our homework, to giving us encouragement and always providing us with a safe place. If I could do even a fraction of that as an officer, I would be overjoyed. 

Once each of the officers had introduced ourselves, we went through our powerpoint over different LGBTQ+ identities. Seeing kids whispering to each other about which flags they identified with or people whose eyes lit up as they discovered a new term for how they feel brought tears to my eyes. I reached over and grabbed my friend’s hand at one point, as if to say “Look how we inspire our peers, look how we have grown up into our role models.” I knew she understood exactly what I meant, since she flashed a big smile back at me.

Looking back at the girl I used to be in freshman year and comparing it to the person I have grown into two years later, I see drastic change. It can be confusing or frustrating at times, but overall I am proud of who I am as a queer Christian. Without the life changing community God blessed me with through GSA, I wouldn't be where I am now, which makes being a leader in that safe space important to me. I am blessed to truly feel like I have come full circle in my journey of self discovery and acceptance.